It started, innocently enough, with a lobster. Then Mark Zuckerberg killed a chicken. By the time the Facebook CEO escalated to a pig and a goat — "he cut the goat's throat with a knife," a friend reported — the media took notice. But it was too late.

Today, College Republicans at U.C. Berkeley undertook a hilarious satire, of, like, life, by holding a bake sale and charging different prices for different racial groups. Makes you laugh, doesn't it? But more importantly... it makes you think.

For some reason, Rihanna is filming a new video in a field in County Down, Northern Ireland. Or, she was, until the farmer who owns the field asked her to stop. "I wish no ill will against Rihanna and her friends. Perhaps they could acquaint themselves with a greater God," he told the BBC.

We criticized Details magazine for letting "editor" Ashton Kutcher turn it into a huge brochure for Kutcher's investments. But the actor doesn't always get a free pass from the media: After seeing this shamelessly self promotional laptop in Two And A Half Men, CBS producers banished it from the show.

Today we heard the sorta distressing news that we'll probably be going to war with Pakistan. Y'know, maybe. Why? What's happening? One reader explained.

Whatever you think of them, you must admit the Occupy Wall Street Protests are a spectacle. Police brutality! Topless ladies! Susan Sarandon! A Wikileaks truck! Check out some of the best images from the 10 days of protests so far.

Meet "Frankie and Louie," a 12-year-old cat with two faces and two names. Guinness World Records says he is the world's longest-living Janus cat. (Fun fact: That is what they call two-faced cats, on account of two-faced Roman god Janus.) Most Janus cats die within hours of their births.

The undead are great and all, but haven't we had enough? Also today: some more ratings to help you understand where everything lies, and a what-to-watch suggestion for tonight.

Certain Internet forces with apparent magical powers have synced Rick Perry's lip movements during a speech to strange, alternate words that nevertheless are probably more coherent than what he was really saying. Does that make sense? It is hard to describe this sort of witchcraft.

Which of the following is the correct response to this video of Chris Brown pantomiming sex, then licking a lady's face and knee?

Momentously eyebrowed useless old crank Andy Rooney has finally said enough. Just a day after CBS announced that the befuddled nonagenarian would return to his slot on 60 Minutes next week, they're announcing that next week will be Rooney's last appearance on the show. He's been there since 1978. About fucking time.

Just this summer, the government finished building a 2.8 mile long, $11.6 million border fence near Nogales, Arizona. Alas, drugs are still getting into America. But how???

Jerry Guo's startup "Grouper" sets people up on dates with posses of strangers. That's the kind of company you need to be able to trust. Which is why it's especially relevant that Guo's history of conning people—and apparently the nation of Thailand!—has just been revealed.

South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley, in what was eerily like the product of a micromanager's latest, dreaded "Aha!" moment, has ordered all state workers to answer the phone with this greeting line from now on: "It's a great day in South Carolina. How can I help you?" Cute! Hmm.

When he's not busy picking the next GOP nominee or calling NPR "Nazis," Fox News chief Roger Ailes apparently likes to assign web stories on how to digitally and orally stimulate your female partner to climax.

Cancer sex! Coffee women! Insurance cost! Doctor complaints! Fatherhood hearts! Diarrhea pools! Killer cantaloupes! Sleepy teens! And cheese is coming to take your soul to hell! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—inappropriately!

Starz has already renewed its show Boss for a second season. Haven't heard if it? That's because it hasn't even aired yet. Yes, the premiere is still a month away and already the network has ordered 10 more episodes.

Cameron Douglas, the eldest son of actor Michael Douglas, who is currently serving five years for dealing crystal meth may testify against one of his suppliers in an upcoming drug trial.

The frenzy surrounding college admissions has reached fraudulent levels. A college kid has been arrested for allegedly helping at least six students at a Long Island high school cheat on their SATs.

Last night was the second episode of Ashton Kutcher's run on Two and a Half Men, and while it was down from last week's boffo debut, it wasn't down that much.