Everyone knows that people in America's Northeast, Northwest, and Southwest regions are sociopaths with no regard for others. We don't even need to mention that widely accepted fact. Everyone also knows that the final haven of "manners" here in our nation of animals is the Southeast region, where people still say "Yes ma'am" and shit like that, no matter how corny it sounds, because they love Jesus—and manners.
As we predicted, international man of mystery and leaky things Julian Assange has lost his appeal against extradition to Sweden, where the authorities still want to ask him some questions about those two alleged sexual assault incidents. Assange won't have to leave his adoptive party pad in Norwich just yet: his lawyers can appeal to the British Supreme Court, and this will require hearings that will delay Assange's actual extradition. But he's definitely running out of legal options—not that he'd ever admit it.
Justice gets at least one positive bit of justice news this week: the Fair Sentencing Act of 2010 went into effect yesterday, bringing the huge disparities in sentencing for powder cocaine vs. crack cocaine somewhat closer to sane levels. According to the NYT, there was previously a 100 to one disparity between the amounts of powder and the amount of crack that would draw equal sentences; now, it's 18 to one. Yeah, that's... somewhat less terrible. U.S. lawmakers truly are beacons of fairness.
This smokey whitish mass of nothing obvious in particular is actually—and this is serious, guys—authentic ghost porn. Look again. See the human-shaped figures? See the outline of the lady-ghost's high-heel? Not really? You're probably not trying hard enough. Look again.
On Sunday night, Ann Coulter appeared on Sean Hannity's Fox News show and while speaking about conservative African Americans, Coulter said, "Our blacks are so much better than their blacks." Naturally, Coulter's remarks didn't sit well with many. But when she was challenged by Joy Behar tonight, Coulter wasn't about to apologize: "Ours are more impressive, there is no question about that," she said, before adding that "the only racism you hear in America these days is against conservative blacks." A clip of the interview is above.
Coltish gubernatorial pinup Ricky Perry may have raised a few million eyebrows after letting a couple purses drop out of his mouth during his remarks at a shindig thrown by Cornerstone Policy Research, a New Hampshire-based conservative think tank. But regardless of how it may have looked to you on YouTube, you were not there — and as the Good Book states, "Thou shalt not judge thy sassily sloshed presidential hopefuls based on a few hilarious minutes of delightfully cringeworthy viral video."
An Australian tourist traveling through southern China stumbled upon a small, furry creature trapped inside a cage labeled "koala." For 139 yuan ($22), the animal could be either "braised or stewed" for dinner — just one of many exotic, live options available for your gustatory pleasure at a restaurant in Panya district, Guangdong.
On last night's Report, Stephen Colbert announced plans to co-opt the Occupy Wall Street movement with money from his Super PAC and then taunted two of its members to their faces. Tonight, Colbert aired the conclusion of the interview, during which he tried even harder to bribe the occupiers into submission.
The Iranian football federation has scrutinized controversial footage of Persepolis defender Mohammed Nosrati (below, left) squeezing teammate Sheis Rezaei's (right) firm buttocks following a goal during the Persian Gulf Cup, and ruled that the two players be fined $40,000 each and "banned indefinitely from all football activities for committing immoral acts."
Condoleezza Rice was Jon Stewart's guest on the Daily Show this evening. The interview started out friendly enough as Stewart and Rice shared laughs over Muammar Gaddafi's creepy obsession with the former secretary of state. But there was plenty of tension in the room when the subject turned to the decision to invade Iraq. Highlights from the interview are above.
Here's a video, recently uploaded to YouTube, showing a man whip his disabled daughter with a belt, apparently for downloading games and music. The man is a Texas court-at-law judge named William Adams. His daughter's name is Hillary. And she's the person who recorded and uploaded the video.
Justin Bieber just took another step on the long path to teen pop-star irrelevancy: the paternity lawsuit! And it's a juicy one, too—the woman filing suit claims she took Bieber's virginity, in a bathroom backstage, and gave birth to a baby boy three months ago.
Researchers discovered the weak link in child protection laws: Parents. A federal rule designed to keep stalky marketers away from kids is being thwarted by moms and dads seeking to expose their kids to... stalky marketers, of the sort bundled into Facebook. We clearly need new laws, but a new set of parents wouldn't hurt, either.
You might want to sit down for this. Are you sitting down? Okay: an officer in the employ of the New York Police Department was convicted today of planting crack cocaine on two innocent people. Not only that—it's apparently only one episode in a "widespread culture of corruption endemic in [NYPD] drug units." I know. I know! My jaw dropped too!
