Occupy Wall Street kicked off a big planned day of action today by swamping Wall St. in an attempt to prevent the morning bell at the New York Stock Exchange from ringing.

Have you used a Chase ATM near Union Square in Manhattan this year? If you live in or have traveled to Manhattan any time this year, I bet that you have! So, you should know that your ATM card information has been... not definitely stolen. But possibly! I'm sure you're just fine.

Was Oscar Ramiro Ortega-Hernandez, the 21-year-old Idaho man accused of shooting at the White House, motivated by 11/11/11 Fever, or the belief that he was on a mission from God? Investigators tell the Associated Press that both factors, actually, may have led him to leave two bullets in President Barack Obama's window on Friday.

Fifty-year-old Floridan L.B. Williams didn't want his wife to divorce him because he loved her, and also who would bake him cakes? Instead of seeking marriage counseling or taking Mrs. Williams on some romantic Red Lobster dinner dates, he tried to woo her back by staging a hate crime. Hey, whatever works! (It did not work.)

If your parents like to pull the annoying ol' "when I was a kid, we trudged five miles in the snow to get to school because we were tough (unlike you kids nowadays)" act, this video of Chinese schoolkids braving icy rivers and risking fatal falls just to make it to class will put them in their place.

Text-messaging: It's so convenient! But also so inappropriate in certain social situations—like when proposing marriage, proposing divorce, proposing litigation...hm, am I missing one? Oh yes, this one: When telling friends to erase text messages that might derail your Justin Bieber-related baby scheme. Looking at U, Mariah Yeater.

"Brooklyn in general is not a fun experience for me, because I look and act nothing like Zooey Deschanel." This according to the Twitter account of parallel universe First Daughter and MSNBC Chief Mental Fingerpainterist, Meghan McCain. Are you going to take this lying down, America's Dorkalicious Fantasy Girlfriend and/or the planet's Coolest City?

Jerry Seinfeld is set to temporarily take over as co-host of Live! after Regis Philbin's final show on Friday. Hey, when did Seinfeld and Philbin get so close, anyway? And why is Philbin on the cover of Newsweek with him instead of with longtime friend David Letterman? That's what a jealous Letterman wanted to know when he asked Seinfeld about his relationship with Reeg on tonight's Late Show.

Last August, Abercrombie & Fitch, the Official Outfitter of 50-Year-Old Gays™, made a media splash by announcing that they would pay Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino not to wear their clothes. Now three months later comes — The Litigation! *Lifts T-shirt, flexes complaint.*

One week after the Jewish neighborhood of Midwood, Brooklyn, saw three cars torched, "KKK" spray-painted on a van, and swastikas scrawled on two libraries and a synagogue, comes news of a defaced sign at the Avenue J subway station. It read, "Avenue Jew." I guess everyone's a lot a bit racist. [Daily News]

So, former SNL star (and current loon) Victoria Jackson got together with three of her conservative friends to combat media's liberal bias with a new online talk show called PolitiChicks. Here's the first episode, which features some enlightening discussion about Muslims and gays and gay Muslims and how they're all destroying America and oh god please make it stop. [via @aurosan]

Even though many were declaring his campaign for President over with as many as six months ago, Newt Gingrich has somehow come back to be the current GOP frontrunner. But with the title comes the scrutiny, as Gingrich learned this week after a renewed interest in his Greek cruise last summer. On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert tried to do some damage control.

While Occupy Wall Street has had its host of celebrity backers, Jon Stewart has never really been one of them. Aside from a fleeting show of support here and there, the Daily Show host has covered the Occupy movement with a more critical eye. On tonight's program, Stewart continued his track record with the above field piece, which featured Samantha Bee's investigation into how the Occupiers had become what they initially fought against.

Lauren E. Pierce, president of the University of Texas Austin College Republicans, has an important message for her fellow conservatives: don't shoot President Obama! Okay? Even though it's "tempting," as she puts it.

If you are unfamiliar with the specifics of the Penn State scandal, you may be under the impression that the real victims are the children who were allegedly raped and otherwise abused by assistant coach Jerry Sandusky. But you couldn't be more wrong! The real victims are Penn State alumni. More specifically: Penn State alumni brokers.

It's time to forget your troubles and remember the Alamo! We're live-blogging tonight's episode of Top Chef: Texas, and you're invited. So grab yourself a cactus cocktail and join us in the comments!

Are we sick of Herman Cain saying stupid things? No? Good: here's video of the Republican front-runner asking a bunch of people in Miami "How do you say 'delicious' in Cuban?" This is, we guess, Cain's third embarrassing gaffe in as many days, if you don't count his entire campaign as slow-motion, multi-day gaffe. And, no, "he was tired" won't fly as an excuse—he's asking because he's enjoying a cup of Cuban coffee.

Happy Hump Day, y'all! Wednesday is a fantastic TV night. It really breaks up the week, don't you agree?

Ugh, Tumblr. The exasperating microblogging site's execs were content to rent luxury cars, ignore emails, party in the Hamptons and take expensive pictures of their Vespas amid mass unemployment, economic collapse, banker bailouts, epic government privacy violations, fraudulent home foreclosures, and the beating of Occupy protesters across the country. But now that a copyright bill has put the startup's bubble jackpot on the line, it's all up in everyone's "Dashboards" with its political conscientiousness. Shut up, already.

Today we learned that some teachers get away with murder. Or at the very least, masturbation. And the fact that this teacher was teaching at a Christian school? Fuggedabouit! It's the perfect crime. One commenter at least, was paying attention during his Sunday school lessons and was able to make a nice little Biblical reference.