The CNN Republican national security debate is currently underway in Washington, DC. At its onset, moderator Wolf Blitzer invited the candidates to introduce themselves after providing them with a sample: "I'm Wolf Blitzer, and yes, that's my real name." When it was Mitt Romney's turn, the former Massachusetts governor said, "I'm Mitt Romney, and, uh, yes, Wolf, that's also my first name." Except that Romney's first name is actually Willard?

As if grief were not enough, Laurene Powell Jobs has had other issues to handle in the wake of husband Steve Jobs's death: A frank, often-unflattering, bestselling biography of the Apple founder; two highly public memorial services; and now advice that she rush to sell her husband's Apple and Disney shares.

"College is such a joke," 21-year-old Indiana University student Luke Gates wrote on Twitter on Monday. Less of a joke: Egyptian jail, where Gates and two other American college kids are after being arrested for allegedly throwing firebombs on police during yesterday's protests.

Good Tuesday to you all! Let's get down to brass tacks, shall we?

Today we learned that everyone needs a song that plays just for them when they walk into a room. We also learned that you don't always get to chose that song and sometimes it's just gifted to you. Such was the case with Michele Bachmann and her new theme song, "Lyin' Ass Bitch." Not to leave anyone out, some commenters took it upon themselves to assign songs to some of the other Republican candidates.

We've received a tip from a very angry graduate student at the New School, the fancy New York City liberal arts school that has seen its student center occupied since Thursday. The damn occupiers are trashing the place!

There was a flurry of interest in Groupon's stock just before the IPO, driving up the price a bit. But Wall Street's crush on the online discounter was short-lived: Its stock plummeted today, for the second time in a month. Maybe reason will actually prevail in tech investing, just this once.

I know this has been kicking around the gay internet for the past few days, but it's the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and there's not much going on and you need to look at porn before you go back to mom's house, right? Right! Here's a gay porn movie that was filmed during the Occupy Oakland protests.

Angelina Jolie is a frail, skeletal wisp of a woman. A beautiful skeletal wisp, but a wisp nonetheless. And now it appears that she is getting wispier, on account of the fact that, well, she just plum "forgets to eat."

Mars rover! Disease frog! Shark protection! Wheezing baby! Explaining nothingness! Fire turkey! Excess antimatter! Tricky evidence! And your holiday outer space weather report! It's your Tuesday Science Watch, where we watch science—fishily!

Here's a note an Occupy Wall Street protester handed President Obama in New Hampshire today—it's apparently a transcript of what protesters shouted during the middle of his speech. Obama should consider a manicure if he's gonna be reading more tiny notes in front of cameras.

If you had any doubt that Michele Bachmann's presidential campaign is little more than a vanity effort designed to snag camera time and sell copies of her hastily written memoir, add this to the evidence locker: According to internal campaign documents, her own treasurer says she has no plans to field employees or volunteers in Florida, Texas, Michigan, or California, and the campaign hopes at best to raise just $30 million—a lot less than it generally takes to win a national primary.

The National Venture Capital Association has completed its 2011 census. Now we all know the business of doling out money to tech startups is a pasty one—right? we're all clear on this, yes?—but the association this year trumpets "signs of increasing ethnic diversity." So, take a wild guess at the combined percentage of blacks and Latinos among venture capitalists.

The cover story of this week's Us Weekly that was planted by a "source close to Kim" that is certainly not anyone with the last name Kardashian, reports that Kris Humphries was an awful husband who called Kim mean names.

It's time to depose our weakling President Obama and replace him with our new leaders, The Warriors of Goja. Judging from their performance on an Indian talent show they are invincible gods who will conquer the world, eventually.

Less than a week after the investigation into his wife's 30-year-old drowning death was reopened, Robert Wagner will play a man suspected of murdering a woman on tonight's episode of NCIS. What a coinkydink! The funny thing is that CBS' ancient viewers are the only ones who remember Natalie Wood—or Robert Wagner.

In your tricky Tuesday media column: how to get fired at the Washington Post, NPR listeners are just so ugh, Lane Brown to New York mag, Michelangelo Signorile to HuffPo, and a shocking report about women in media.

Last night was a good old-fashioned Western in the rolling hills of Beverly. There were cowboys and showdowns and horses and homes on the range and even some wenches in fancy corsets. But when high noon came none of the little dogies could get along.

Notoriously proud to be from da block J. Lo is the new spokesperson for Fiat, and she's been flashing the car every which way recently. But it seems she pulled the hooded sweatshirt over our eyes!

As the house band for dancing spider monkey Jimmy Fallon, The Roots are sometimes forced to express themselves via the intro music that they choose to play when various celebrities walk out onto Fallon's stage.