Three staffers for Democratic Washington Rep. Rick Larsen were fired today after their four months' worth of tweets that "describe on-the-job drinking, frivolous misuse of office time and resources, and contain public insults aimed at the boss himself" were traced to them. While on-the-job drinking and insulting your boss may be understandable, it's just unacceptable for any Hill staffers to frivolously misuse office time and resources.

Ladies, today we learned that finding a man ain't always easy. Especially if he is a man who won't ever admit that he is gay! If only there was some fool proof way, some kind of test to put to your perspective man-in-waiting to decipher his sexuality. Fortunately for us, one commenter is a scientist.

Facebook is trying to shut down IsAnyoneUp.com, a sleazy porn site built around posting the Facebook profiles of its often-unwilling subjects. But the site's owner says he's not going anywhere.

More than a year ago, the music blog Dajaz1.com was shut down for supposedly abetting online piracy. The feds gave no warning, no due process, no trial, and kept all supposed court orders under seal. But that's not the even the most fucked up part.

Jason Cohen is a young English professor at Kentucky's Berea College. Oh Jason Cohen, what did you put on the Twitter this week???

Today I got a press release for something called the Baconery, which is a bakery that makes things out of bacon. That reminded me of bacon chocolates, bacon lip balm, bacon cologne, bacon vodka, and even bacon fucking lube. It's time to knock it off, people.

Here is a fact about New York City: it is filled with jerks. Here's another fact about New York City: it is filled with rats. Here's a third fact, recently discovered by scientists: rats are actually super nice, possibly (probably) even nicer than New Yorkers.

Rick Perry is the latest candidate to turn down Donald Trump's debate. Now, assuming the debate isn't canceled, it will just be Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, and potentially Michele Bachmann fielding awful questions from this NBC television actor.

There's a famous tech saying that all good social networks begin with the question, "How will this software get my users laid?" Twitter wants you to believe it's new redesign has nailed this particular feature.

The Smoking Gun has gotten its paws on Newt Gingrich's Washington Speakers Bureau contract, replete with all of his pampered demands. For each speaking gig, he wants a nice hotel, first class plane ticket, check for $50,750 — the usual. But there's one item that stands out as appropriately idiosyncratic: His demand for two bathrooms, in a one-bedroom suite. This is his most profound idea yet.

Now that Dominique Strauss-Kahn is back in France and safe from criminal prosecution for rape, his Sofitel maid encounter has entered its "Grassy Knoll" phase in the public imagination: Complicated conspiracy theories abound, even as most accept a much simpler explanation of events. (DSK either forced himself on Nafissatou Diallo or willfully misunderstood a frozen stare of horror as an "unabashed" come-on, is the general consensus, right?)

The economy is crappier than a Porta-Potty at an outdoor electronic dance music festival. We've all got to pinch pennies, and the holidays are no exception. So, we present our top five gifts under five cents.

Did you read Ben Brantley's rapturous (and rather eloquent) review of Hugh Jackman: Back on Broadway in the times today? He totally calls Hugh Jackman gay. Like he pretty much flat out says it. The paper just did the same thing to closet-case Anderson Cooper. Is this a new trend?

A new report from The Trust for Public Land shows that although city parks in America only increased by 3% in the past five years, dog parks in American cities increased by 34% during that same period.

Yep, just another boring old New York City parking job. Every single New Yorker parks like this everyday, blindfolded. No big deal.

Former Total Request Live with Carson Daly mainstay Korn, a band that you — yes, you — used to love, has discovered the truth that few of the band members' Hollywood friends care to admit: Obama and his "illuminati" minions have turned this country into a "house of shame." Hmm. They must be Romney men, through and through.

For months now the hottest ticket in New York is to experimental theater "experience" Sleep No More. (Well, the hottest ticket has been Book of Mormon but this is a close second.) Maybe part of the reason is people know the show is full of nudity, an orgy, and other sexy goings on. Well, I figured out how you can get the most (ahem) bang for your buck and see all the nudity.

Bros. They're here. They're bros. Get used to it. They're not, however, poetic. "Bro." It sounds like an Eastern European cough. Can you think of a better word for these creatures?

A police officer has reportedly been shot on the Virginia Tech campus, where police just apprehended an apparent suspect—though another suspect, a "white male, gray sweat pants, gray hat w/neon green brim, maroon hoodie and backpack," may still be at large. There's also a "potential second victim" in the Cage parking lot; Roanoke Times reporter Lerone Graham is Tweeting live from the campus, as is student paper Collegiate Times.

The good Governor Sandwiches of New Jersey, our old pal Chris Christie, was out stumping for Mitt Romney in Iowa yesterday (poor guy) when local America- and capitalism-destroying monsters of Occupy Des Moines pulled out the "people's mic" on him.