When the news broke yesterday that Fred Phelps and his infamous "God Hates Fags" Westboro Baptist Church would be protesting the funeral of Penn State football coach Joe Paterno for his role in the Jerry Sandusky sexual abuse cases, some of Paterno's harshest critics approved. They think the disruptive presence of Fred Phelps' evil minions, shouting nonsensical passages from Leviticus as some sort of posthumous justice for Paterno's complicity with Sandusky sexually molesting young boys. But there's a difference between the evil that's perceived and real, diabolical evil, and he's not the one being put in the ground.

This kinky hip-hop star had quite the party in Sundance. Only this other celeb and a few women were invited and both men got to share. Speaking of sharing, this actress' new nanny is her partner's ex-lover. And baby makes four?

How are we going to look Dame Maggie in the face after this?

Tonight we witnessed President Obama outline all the proposals that will be blocked by Congress in the election year 2012. Drill for everything. Create jobs for the humans who want jobs. End more wars, try not to have new ones... but maybe have some new ones? 2012 is shaping up to be a banner year for America's government. Let's check out some reactions from the pundits and various clowns on Twitter.

Google announced today a major overhaul of its privacy policies, and everyone on the Internet shrugged and continued what they were doing.
Haha, just playin'—people are freaking out.

The American Cancer Society reported recently that the rate of oral cancer tumors possibly caused by human papillomavirus (HPV) is on an incline.

Complex magazine features Lana Del Rey, last week's sacrificial lamb, on the cover of their February/March issue and she looks exactly as you would expect her to look. She is a sexy, wet, pouty vintage movie poster. Like a faded French ad you would put in your bathroom if you were 21. The image is actually a great visual response to last week's issues; it is a strong look-at-me-I'm-still-standing-despite-all-you-mean-'ol-raindrops-pouring-down-on-my-talentless-parade, statement.

Last night barely divorced actress Demi Moore was taken to the hospital in an ambulance for issues related to substance abuse. We're not sure what the symptoms were or what the substances are, but 911 was called, so it couldn't have been pretty.

Honestly, we didn't really give a shit about this enormous solar storm—the largest since 2005—currently pummeling the Earth's magnetic field with protons, cutting swaths of brilliant multi-hued fire across the northern sky. Until we learned that Delta was forced to delay a few flights. That's got to be a huge pain for whoever was on those flights. Horrible.

The last batch of President Kennedy's secret Oval Office recordings was released today, just barely missing the deadline for everyone's "Best Secret Presidential Recordings of 2011" year-end lists. Archivists from the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library have been declassifying and releasing portions of the tapes, recorded so super duper secretly not even Kennedy's top aides knew of their existence before his death, since 1993.

According to MB50's "Liquid Mud" Blog: "The SX130 was designed by the world-renowned Norwegian design firm Ulstein Design AS, incorporating its exclusive Ulstein X-BowTM. This design guarantees steady navigation and operations in adverse offshore environments, proving higher safety levels."[via Cryptome]

To mark the dissolution of Heidi Klum and Seal's marriage, the web site Brobible has assembled a series of photographs—or "slide show"—of the model in various poses. Taken as a whole, it is a moving tribute to Klum's career.

68-year-old Sen. John Kerry suffered two black eyes and a broken nose playing hockey around New Year's. It's great news for children, who can now throw away the regular terrifying John Kerry Halloween masks they wear every year and buy the new completely horrifying bruised version. (What? Look, the only reason we're making jokes about John Kerry's ugly face is because it's fun.)

Dartblog, a blog dedicated to America's favorite paleo-con farm, has published an alleged draft of an op-ed about to run in the Dartmouth's student paper recounting in exquisite detail the hazing that one frat-inclined student encountered, including being "forced to swim in a kiddie pool full of vomit, urine, fecal matter, semen, and rotten food." Wait, there's more.

Joe the Plumber, whom our senior citizen readers might remember as the guy who asked presidential candidate Barack Obama a tax question on YouTube and briefly became a conservative celebrity, has this new fundraising ad out for his congressional run in Ohio. By "fundraising ad," however, we mean "Facebook photo," and in this photo he appears to be doing plumbing work, something he hasn't had much time for in recent years between all the conservative conference guest gigs and wet t-shirt contest refereeing at radon-filled clubs.

An NBC News crew is currently occupying Gawker's Soho offices for a segment, set to air eventually on Rock Center and Today, about our owner Nick Denton and his grand project. Every time I see a network news crew descend on a scene to do its business—and the unfailingly pleasant and polite group currently with us is by no means alone in this—I am struck by what the collossal waste of money network news is.

Mitt Romney's tax returns are out, and so we've learned the truth: Mitt Romney is a rich person. Hadn't you always suspected? And because the first thing you want to be reading this Tuesday in January is a description of tax forms, here's your guide to Romney, his taxes, and the political effects thereof.

Orange hipster Brian Williams is getting some flack today for his egregious decision at last night's GOP debate to prevent Newt Gingrich's fans from applauding. And for its deadly dullness. What's worse, though, is that Williams would not shut up. He uttered almost precisely the same number of words last night as Ron Paul, who was ostensibly there as a participant.

As the mist clears on the glen, the great city of Brigadoon Hills once again disappears beyond the horizon to disappear for yet another interval. But before that can happen it left us with a wedding, the gift of true love, a wake, and the tearless grieving of a host of widows.

After the State of the Union address, White House officials will answer questions on Quora, a start-up website that relies on the wisdom of crowds to select the "best" answers to open-ended questions.