Demi Moore was apparently drinking massive amounts of Red Bull (and forgoing food and drink) before the 911 emergency that led to her hospitalization. The Sun (which, to be fair, just make shit up sometimes) reports:

If there are three things I've learned about [people who are attracted to men], it's that they love a) dudes who play guitar, b) dudes who pull off the perfectly-loosened tie and rolled-up sleeves look, and c) dudes who are Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Behold: I bring you all three, in this video from a Sundance event last night. Please watch, swoon, and most importantly, share with all your friends.

A website with the lovely name "theshiznit.co.uk" has created a series of fake posters for Oscar-nominated movies with the theme "if 2012's Oscar-nominated movie posters told the truth." I think "funny" is definitely a word that I could see being applied to these. Click in the lower-left corner of the picture to see full-sized. Happy traffic day, by the way. [The Shiznit]

This leading lady was getting prescriptions filled from multiple on-set doctors. This actress slept with a casting director to get her big role (surprise, surprise) and this actress feels guilty that her movies objectify women. There's no pill to make that go away.

Why is Arizona America's number-one state? Because of its public servants, like Peoria police officer Sgt. Pat Shearer, who took "a picture that shows several teens, a few of them carrying guns, displaying a bullet-riddled Obama T-shirt" — a picture so good that even the Secret Service is interested.

Here's today's fun internet game: who does Google think you are? Google thinks I am a 65+ year old man, possibly because I am always searching things like "what time does The Good Wife start" and "movies with no violence or sadness in them" and "when will I die." (Google also thinks I am interested in "Arts & Entertainment - Celebrities & Entertainment News." Fair enough.)

Taco Bell is not going to be serving breakfast. That would be gross. Taco Bell is serving First Meal. It's the meal that comes after Fourth Meal. It's a meal that you eat at about the same time that you would eat breakfast, but which bears no resemblance to the "food" that normal humans would consume, for "breakfast." Observe:

Remember Patrick Witt, the Yale quarterback who chose the Yale-Harvard game over a chance at a Rhodes scholarship? As it turns out, it wasn't much of a choice: Witt's Rhodes candidacy had already been withdrawn over allegations of sexual assault.

If a comment is uttered while Project Runway is on TV, and nobody is there to hear it, does it exist? There answer is no! And what good are nonexistent comments? So share your comments with us, and make them real! We're all live-blogging tonight's episode, and you're invited.

After Demi Moore's recent whip-it fiasco, it's become apparent that some of you do not know how to use whip-its. If we are anything here at Gawker, we are educators first and foremost. So while I wish Demi a speedy recovery, it is important that you all stop doing whip-its (not to be confused with my favorite butthole relaxant and room odorizer, Poppers) the wrong way. There is a right way to do them and I am here to teach you how. Also, don't be a goober; you should know what a whip-it is and how to do it by now.

Mayor Bloomberg's having a bad week, between the virulently anti-Muslim video starring his police commissioner and the rape charges against his police commissioner's son. So look, Mayor Mike: if you want to quit, you can come work for us writing Gossip Girl recaps.

What a weird-looking goat, in China. [Flickr]

The day is waning. My fingers are tired. Is there any way left for me to artificially pump web traffic to my posts, so I can vanquish Brian Moylan in the Great Gawker Traffic Whoring Contest of 2012? What compelling image could I possibly acquire that would generate more interest than Juliette Lewis' doppelganger in a hardcore sex pose with Terry Richardson? Long is the hour of my desperation. Deep is my desire to win.

In Touch: "Lady Gaga‘s boyfriend of six months, Taylor Kinney, has told her to check her alter ego at the door when she's with him… he has no desire to live with a stage act." Why can't she just be normal. God. It's like she wants to be an outcast. Freak.

How would Texans greet their three-term governor, their invincible hero, their great culture warrior, Rick Perry, upon return from his humiliating presidential run? With a giant thumb down. Maybe they'll forget by 2014, when he runs for governor again.

The strange case of the toxic tushes expands: Corey Eubanks, indicted medical assistant of crazed fix-a-flat butt injection doc Oneal Ron Morris, taped an episode of Telemundo show Cristina last night, and ended up brawling with several of his alleged victims, including Rajee Narinesingh. (Red dress, trying to keep the peace. Rajee is my favorite character in this story.)

LAS VEGAS — It only took 24 hours for the Stockholm Syndrome to set in. It was after the huge, boomerang-sized crab legs had been cleared away and the Wagyu beef had been consumed and all the after-dinner whiskeys had been drained and they'd ushered us past the hundreds of ordinary suckers and through the VIP entrance of the Caesar's Palace nightclub and set us up with a private table and bottle service so we could recline on a couch and watch all the drunk bachelorette party girls shake their asses at the bar in front of us, and the doorman smiled warmly at us and the attractive waitress smiled warmly at us and the PR people smiled warmly at us and we, the journalists, all smiled warmly at each other and took it all in, and I thought to myself, "Vegas, baby!" Vegas, baby. It likes me. And I like it.

In case you were wondering, xoJane writer Julieanne Smolinski prefers not to be punched in the head during sex. She knows a lot of people who are into it, though. So if you're into punching during sex, don't have sex with Julieanne, but maybe ask her for a referral.

Novelty ukulele tune Zooey Deschanel is "excited to host the WGA awards. It should be a lot of fun!"

Ben Folds Five, pioneers of the abortion anthem, soundtrack to the countless bedroom weepings, first-pot-smokings and virginity-losings of 90s suburban teenagers not cool enough to be into punk or hip hop, just announced they're reuniting for a new album. How old is Ben Folds now, 58? HEEE is old and he's aging slowly....