A former Los Angeles City Commissioner, 63-year old Al Abrams, made his first court appearance this afternoon to answer to charges of possessing and distributing child pornography even though he totally didn't do anything wrong. The real culprit was his split-personality, which, coincidentally, also manifests itself as 63-year old Al Abrams.

Typical men: As soon as they see something women have, they have to have it for themselves. Like thong underwear and mangagement rings. So it is with a couple of Pinterest clones which aspire to be "Pinterest for men."

Meet Tim Barter, a 32-year-old British "visual effects director" who sustained a 25-foot fall in 2009 and had the resulting dent in his head with a titanium plate and stomach fat by doctors at Kings College Hospital. (I've got a call in to see if they can turn stomach fat into biceps. I'll let you all know.) On the downside, one side effect is that you end up looking like someone who was on Australian Big Brother. [HuffPo]

According to Utah Senator Orrin Hatch, "President Obama has traded in the hard hat and lunch bucket category of the Democratic Party for the hipster fedora and a double skim latte." Fair enough. [tips hipster fedora and raises double skim latte toward Hatch in recognition]

In today's news that will take away any desire for procreation you might have been grasping onto, military and police trainers are now suggesting that the "Run, Hide and Wait" protocol be ingrained in students in much the same way they currently learn "Stop, Drop and Roll." Schools will soon be teaching children both fire and gunfire safety.

Nice.

Welcome to my new favorite/least favorite Tumblr, Roach Party: "I'm currently keeping four different roach colonies. Lobsters, Dubias, Hissers, and Turkistans. I do plan on obtaining some other species in the future." Here we have "a hisser giving birth!" Yo, nature is gross. [Roach Party]

So, there's about a one-in-eight chance that sometime in the next decade the sun will unleash a massive solar fart and blow up the internet and all the computers, more or less:

Last night's white glower rally in Michigan was supposed to tell us something novel and important, instead of mumbling vague phrases we've heard before. This time, we thought, a GOP primary vote would be decisive, recasting the narrative for the future, solidifying positions and increasing momentum.

China: the "Far East," where four thousand years of cultural evolution has culminated in a battle to see whether The Mighty P'zone™ or the Big N' Tasty™ will become the national meal of choice. McDonald's has an outside-the-box new advertising strategy to woo the wary Chinese: telling them that McDonald's food is not a monstrous blight upon the concept of dining.

Siku, the Scandinavian Wildlife Park's polar bear cub, has his own LiveJasmin-style webcam. It's only live four hours out of the day, but they've got reruns up the rest of the time, so why not check out early? Unless you are, like, a doctor, there is literally nothing you could possibly be doing right now, in the big picture, that is more important than watching a polar bear cub fuck around. [Polar Bear Cam]

There's a bigger, better, badder trailer for Marvel's summer tentpole The Avengers. It looks good. It looks so good that every comic book nerd out there (myself included) is popping a tentpole. But the real questions is, will they fuck it up?

This Oscar winner blames an on-set injury for why he can't please ladies in bed and another actor had a week-long sex romp with a Real Housewife, but was too stoned to get hard. This friend of Whitney's is back on the drugs and this actress is offering to sleep with directors for work. Let's hope some of the takers aren't limp.

Davy Jones, the dreamy British member of manufactured Beatles rip-off The Monkees, died from a heart attack this morning at his home in Florida. He was 66 years old.

You probably know that today is Leap Day — but do you know when the first Leap Year was? Check out these 10 amazing, unbelievable facts about Lead Day!

A few weeks back, I posted a video of a large loitering group of Saint Bernard dogs. That day Louise, a nice lady in Oregon, saw the story, and thought it meant that she could buy a Saint Bernard puppy from me.

Work. You can either conquer it, or let it conquer you. Amirite? Don't let it conquer you. Conquer it. Yes. Conquering it is preferable. Having survived four full years at Gawker Media—eight-time winner of Forbes Magazine's prestigious "Most Unstable Workplace" award—I have picked up some prudent methods of survival. Don't just work—flourish™.

You've already read Richard Lawson's opus on the subject...now prove to the world that you, in fact, are the King or Queen of Boldness, by sending your 500-word essay/blog post/epic poem/manifesto to Gawker at contests@gawker.com with "My Boldest Experience" as the subject line. The best (funniest, most compelling, least lame) of the bunch will be published here on Friday, and then you can revel in that particular glory and gloat to all of your friends who have Internet access.

Now that teen smoking rates are in decline and rap music has been throughly mainstreamed, the only thing to worry about re: America's Children is whether the internet and smartphones are turning their brains into piles of frozen yogurt. Internet experts say: Maybe!

Like The Awl's Carrie Frye we found ourselves riveted by Reuters writer Chadwick Matlin's live-tweeting of last night's meeting of the Park Slope co-op (sadly not the upcoming meeting on the subject of Israeli food, which promises to be even more enthralling). So riveted we felt a duty — a calling — to share it with our readers. Please enjoy: