Joe Biden, in character as always, made a terrible joke about lubrication yesterday at the White House reception for Irish prime minster Enda Kenny. It's not even funny in its un-funniness, really; it's just kind of... bad:
Whenever the first snow falls, or the first hot day of summer strikes, or when the heat gives way to autumn's crisp air, or when the chill of winter finally breaks for spring, or just when there isn't shit happening in the world, the Paper of Record published one of its trademark "weather stories." This is not simply a report on the day's weather; it is a report on the day's weather masquerading as a news story.
Hunger Games mania is upon us. The Young Adult trilogy-turned-blockbuster is due out this weekend, and some of you out there still have no idea what these crazy Food Games are all about. Fear not, as we have compiled a detailed Hunger Games explainer, just in time for G-day. Be you screaming tween, good-sporting parent, or disgruntled old timer, this explainer will guide you as we as a nation prepare for the newest (and unavoidable) pop-culture phenom.
Arena: A vast outdoor arena rigged with Panem's high-tech TV cameras as well as traps and challenges to test the tributes fighting each other to the death in the Hunger Games. An arena may contain anything from "a burning desert to a frozen wasteland." After the Hunger Games, the arenas become popular tourist destinations for Capitol citizens.
Last week, 14 law firm workers were fired, apparently, for wearing orange shirts in an orange-shirt free environment.
Somehow under the impression that people don't spend 100% of their time holding, looking at, or anxious because they are not holding and looking at their cell phones, Nokia has filed a patent for a message-alert skin tattoo that could make the old "My phone was set to silent," excuse a thing of the past.
We are currently searching for a talented, part-time graphic artist to assist our Art Director. Applicants should be available to come into our New York office 2-3 days a week, and must also have/be the following:
San Francisco's Contemporary Jewish Museum has launched a lovely exhibition in honor of the Jewish holiday Tu B'Shevat, or New Year for the Trees. One component of the exhibition includes a wishing tree that encourages people to write out and hang their wishes on the branches.
This fashion designer is known to prefer men young enough to be his sons—or grandsons. But what most people don't know is that his sexual appetite has grown with age. A spy tells us the "sexpig" designer orders male hookers in "industrial quantities" for physically punishing acts. His obsession: fisting.
The acme in fascinating human behavior channels, TLC's My Crazy Obsession is yet another series that showcases...oh, let's call them "odd" habits. This episode features Stanley, 31-year-old man obsessed with being an adult baby. Stanley has spent much of the last eighteen years clothed in footie pajamas and wearing a diaper. For eight to ten hours a day.
Last night, the U.S. Justice Department announced that it would investigate the death of Trayvon Martin, after watching outrage build as Florida authorities appeared to do nothing for 23 days. The 17-year-old Martin was walking through a residential development in Sanford, Fla. and was chased down and shot by a 28-year-old man named George Zimmerman. If this sounds painfully familiar, it should.
An earthquake registering 7.9 on the Richter scale struck outside of Acapulco, Mexico, and was felt throughout nearby Mexico City. The epicenter is also not far from Oaxaca, where Malia Obama is allegedly spring breaking.
There is a certain percentage of the population that objects to giving their kids vaccinations, because of stuff like Jesus, some book, Jenny McCarthy, whatever. You know, crazy people. Fine, in isolated instances. But when the crazy people reach a critical mass, we all die.
If you want to kill someone and get away with it, do it before the NBA All-Star game.
