The National Christmas Tree planted near the White House one year ago has already died because you didn't love it enough.

The hearing for the self-proclaimed mastermind of the September 11th terrorist attacks, plus four other conspirators, got off to a chaotic start on Saturday, as the defendants ignored the judge, refused to acknowledge the proceedings, and generally pursued other interests, including light arts and crafts.

In a Sunday interview on NBC's Meet the Press, Vice President Joe Biden revealed he is down like a clown, Charlie Brown, with same sex couples marrying.

It is an afro made of feathers. New York Magazine's Daily Intel said that this other hat was the most ridiculous hat but that is incorrect because this hat is an afro made of feathers and that hat is a Kate Gosselin haircut made of feathers at best.

Researchers have concluded that up to 90 percent of students leaving school in major South East Asian cities are suffering from myopia — the fancy term for when things look fuzzy at a distance. According to Professor Ian Morgan, who conducted the study, the average used to be between 20 and 30 percent.

For weeks, I've been reminding you all that The Avengers is on the horizon — it doesn't take a box office psychic to realize a film of this magnitude will do well. And wouldn't you know, The Avengers' Friday take was $80.5 million, making it the second biggest Friday opening of all time. (Number one remains Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, because wizards are cooler than superheroes, clearly.)

Well, their heart is in the right place. During last night's Hollywood Bowl concert, Coldplay decided to pay tribute to the Beastie Boys' Adam "MCA" Yauch, who died yesterday at 47. The odd acoustic cover of "(You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (to Party)" — which Coldplay frontman Chris Martin sings rather than raps — is being hailed as a "touching tribute" and a "heartfelt rendition." Sure, it's a nice thought, but does anything about this cover actually recall the Beastie Boys?

Just days ago, we learned that Nadya "Octomom" Suleman was going to appear in a masturbation video — which is definitely not porn, because she once said she would never do porn. Today TMZ reports that Octomom has filmed her first scene, and it sounds like she's a pro.

Today the Connecticut Senate passed a bill legalizing medical marijuana, becoming the 17th state to do so. The District of Columbia also allows for the medical use of marijuana.

Fox's summer sci-fi comedy Neighborhood Watch has been renamed The Watch, after concerns that the film would remind people of the Trayvon Martin case. And it's tough to blame them: the original poster featured a "Neighborhood Watch" sign complete with a shadowy figure and bullet holes. Trayvon Martin was shot by real-life Neighborhood Watch volunteer George Zimmerman, currently facing charges of second-degree murder.

Update your Twitter address books accordingly — Demi Moore has changed her Twitter handle from @mrskutcher (a reference to soon-to-be-ex husband Ashton Kutcher) to @justdemi. It's not exactly the most exciting development, but for Moore fans horrified by her insistence on keeping an Ashton-related handle, this is the dawn of an important new era.

People with disabilities made me laugh more times than I could count last weekend when I attended the 10th annual Sprout Film Festival. There was Lauren, an Australian student profiled in The Ball, who while cuddling her dog noted that he had the same eye and hair color as her. "My parents will think I'm a Labrador!" she exclaimed. There was the narrator of Stepping Out, who had an unspecified disability and said of her boyfriend with Down syndrome, "I'm trying not to laugh at him. But it's just so hard when he gives you that lovely look!" There was Jonathan, an actor with Down syndrome who got his start several years ago on Sesame Street. His most recent work is a narrative short called The Wing Man, in which he has brunch with his Brooklyn hipster brother.

Despite the fact that Arizona has already banned public funding for abortion, Governor Jan Brewer signed an even more restrictive bill that bars funding to any organization that provides abortions — namely Planned Parenthood.

It's about that time again. Friday's winds have kicked up this week's insults and the smell of blood is in the air. Enjoy the roundup!

In 2004, The New York Times' Stephanie Zacharek negatively reviewed the video for the Beastie Boys' new single "Ch-Check It Out." MCA a.k.a. Adam Yauch, who died today at the age of 47, had directed the video under his pseudonym Nathanial Hornblower. He didn't take kindly to Zacharek's review, and let her know in a letter to the Times demanding, among other things, that she send him a goat. Read more »

The public relations industry is happy to swallow ordinary happy life events, besmirch them, and poop them back out. It is a virtual besmirchment machine. This is PR Dummies. Besmirching the besmirchers, every week.

It looks horrendous, but the University of Texas freshman suffered only "minor injures."

Kids these days: what the hell are they? That is the question that faces American time-wasters today. As you know, the latest generation with a formal name is "The Millennials," and they are basically the worst, continuing the grand tradition of every new generation being the worst.

Last night I attended a midnight showing of the Avengers. I'm not particularly into the Marvel movies (never even saw The Hulk or Thor, so sue me), but it was a friend's birthday and it sounded fun and I thought, Hey I'm fun, I'm young. Sure I'll go.

Back in summer 2009, the Beastie Boys were forced to pull out of their scheduled headlining performance at the All Points West music festival in Jersey City, N.J. Yauch had just announced that he'd been diagnosed with cancer, and the group was forced to cancel a lot of shows as he sought treatment.