EXT. NETHERMEAD MEADOW AT PROSPECT PARK, INSIDE THE GREAT GOOGAMOOGA FESTIVAL — 3:00 p.m.

The Brooklyn Animal Resource Coalition (BARC) Shelter is a no-kill nonprofit animal shelter in Williamsburg. They're great! They do the dirty work of taking care of abandoned animals and, hopefully, getting someone to adopt them. That's not always easy.

On this week's episode of The Jennifer Love Hewitt Handjob Hour The Client List , Love's character Riley ran the wack-a-thon of a former college track star. He was beautiful. And that was that. Also featured in this episode was some actual fucking in the massage table, by Riley's nemesis with a menacing squint, Selena (Alicia Lagano). When confronted, Selena exclaimed, "Like I'm the first ever to knock boots in a treatment room," and my opinion of her skyrocketed. Meanwhile, Riley was also ready to engage in some arm aerobics with another, not as beautiful client of hers, but all he wanted to do was talk about some girl that he liked and his lack of confidence. Don't you hate it when guys don't shut up and accept their handjob?

Dharun Ravi, the 20-year-old Rutgers student convicted of bias intimidating and privacy invasion in the Tyler Clementi webcam peep case, has been sentenced to a relatively scant 30-day jail term, The Newark Star-Ledger reports.

Being the baby of Anchorman writers Will Ferrell and Adam McKay naturally entitles Funny or Die to certain perks. Namely: Gaining exclusive access to an exclusive teaser trailer for the Anchorman sequel.

Japanese-born New York-based artist Takeshi Miyakawa was arrested early Saturday morning, in Williamsburg of all places, after an installation he hung from a tree in the Brooklyn neighborhood was mistaken for a bomb.

2012: The year that Hollywood took a chance on Taylor Kitsch and failed miserably. John Carter cost an estimated $250 in production alone and returned about $72 million domestically since its March 9 release. Battleship opened this past weekend to the lowest domestic opening numbers ever for a film with a budget with $200 million or above: $25.3 million. The film cost an estimated $209 million to make.

How bad is America's neverending recession? So bad that The American Man—mind enfeebled by Axe body spray fumes and Spanx-induced circulatory cutoff—now thinks nothing of taking a job that has traditionally been held primarily by women, so that he may earn money to pay for food, clothing, and shelter. The evidence is clear: "An analysis of census data by The New York Times shows that from 2000 to 2010, occupations that are more than 70 percent female accounted for almost a third of all job growth for men, double the share of the previous decade."

Sunday's annular eclipse produced more than a few stunning shots of the Moon turning the Sun into a "ring of fire" visible to millions along the West Coast and across Southeast Asia. But only one time-lapse video of the event is truly worth your time: Cory Poole's 700-photo strong chronicle of the solar hide-and-seek.

Presentation High School seniors Alexandra, Angela, Angelica, Elizabeth, Emily, Isabella, Madeline, and Vi all share the same surname: Nguyen.

Oh tra la, fiddle dee dee, dance 'round all of the Maypoles, for Verlyn Klinkenborg hath taken pen in hand to scratch out yet another dispatch from the mild climes of rural America, which is mightily preferable to the indignities of the city, where all of Verlyn Klinkenborg's readers live. This week's fascinating topic: lawns. We got our hands on the rough draft, before the cityfied editors ruined Verlyn's vision.

According to the uploader of this laundromat security footage, the Mensa rejects in the video sought to scare their toddler by putting him inside one of the washing machines. It worked: Once the door was shut, the machine's auto-lock system kicked in, and the child began to tumble helplessly inside.

Dropped in the still of the night by Sony, the first official teaser trailer for Skyfall — the twenty-third installment in Eon Productions' 50-year-old James Bond film series — reveals about as much as those next-episode previews at the end of Mad Men.

Backed by Take That's Gary Barlow on synthesizer, Will Smith leads the audience of last Friday's Graham Norton Show on a sing-along of the universally memorized Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme rap.

Robin Gibb, who formed the Bee Gees with his two brothers Barry and Maurice, died today at 62.

Wallace Falls is a beautiful Washington State attraction, but that doesn't make it any less perilous. A 13-year-old boy found himself trapped when he fell down one waterfall and narrowly avoided falling down another — a much more serious 270-foot drop.

Still in the number one spot this week, The Avengers earned another $55.1 million, well outperforming Battleship, which took in a measly $25.3 million. That might not sound too bad, but given Battleship's budget, it's pretty embarrassing. In fact, this is the worst domestic opening ever for a film with a budget of at least $200 million.

At about 7:30 p.m. on Tuesday night, while standing in the Roosevelt Rotunda at the American Museum of Natural History on 81st Street and Central Park West, my friend Sam and I stuff an eighth of psychedelic mushrooms into egg rolls and eat them. It is time for the 2012 Clio Awards, the advertising world's version of the Oscars.