According to NPR, Univision just acquired a controlling stake in The Onion, the parent site of the only worthwhile website on the entire internet.

Bernie Sanders held a campaign event Birmingham, Alabama, tonight, at one of the city’s only warming stations for homeless people, Alabama.com reports, on what has proven to be the coldest night of the year so far.

At approximately 8:41 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, Gawker received the following tip:

Black Lives Matter demonstrators halted traffic Monday afternoon on the five-lane westbound span of San Francisco’s Bay Bridge, the Guardian reports, chaining themselves to their cars.

A St. Paul police sergeant has been placed on administrative leave, Fox 9 News reports, after being accused of telling drivers, in a Facebook post, to run over Black Lives Matter protestors.

A police officer in Knox County was killed in the line of duty late Sunday night, WCMH-TV reports, after dispatchers received a call, late on Sunday night, from a woman who said her ex-boyfriend, Herschel Ray Jones, had left her house, with a gun, intending to kill a cop.

The family of Robert Levinson, who disappeared from Iran’s Kish Island, in 2007, while working for rogue CIA analysts, learned of the recent prisoner exchange just like everybody else—from the news.

“You don’t need to have filed a thirty-six-million-dollar suit against law enforcement to be detained, denied basic rights, and have evidence planted on your person or property. Among other things, simply being black can suffice.”

In February, a former member of the Nazi SS will stand trial for the deaths of 3,681 people, the BBC reports. Prosecutors say Hubert Zafke, 95, was an SS medical orderly at Auschwitz from October 1943 to January 1944, and an accessory to murder.

Seeking more hard-hitting questions, the Republican National Committee has decided to pull February’s “Super Tuesday” debate from NBC News, CNN Money reported, and will partner with CNN instead. The RNC debate committee voted unanimously to end NBC’s involvement.

Kristin Cavallari, author of the forthcoming memoir Balancing in Heels, recently turned 29. Is she worried about getting older? Probably not.

In an effort to hold officers accountable, the Pentagon is considering demoting disgraced General and former C.I.A. director David Petraeus, according to a new report by The Daily Beast. If the reduction in rank goes through, Petraeus could end up owing hundreds of thousands of dollars.

U.S. Ambassador to Israel Dan Shapiro leveled some harsh criticism at the country during a security conference in Tel Aviv, saying that Israel has “two standards of adherence to the rule of law: one for Israelis and another for Palestinians.” This sort of public admonishment is nearly unheard of in current American-Israeli relations.

Last night, freshman journalism major Sean Penn attempted to explain his bizarre, widely criticized interview with El Chapo to Charlie Rose on 60 Minutes. So why does Sean Penn say Sean Penn is so misunderstood? Because unfortunately, we can’t all be Sean Penn.

On CNN yesterday, Hillary Clinton told Jake Tapper that she was “too busy campaigning” to see 13 hours, the new (poorly performing) flick about the attack on Benghazi in 2012. Which—while valid—was probably a poor choice of words, considering it sets conspiracy theorists up perfectly to say things like this:

At least three Americans were kidnapped by militants in southern Baghdad on Saturday, according to several American and Iraqi news outlets. An unnamed official of the city’s police force confirmed the group’s disappearance to The Washington Post on Sunday evening, but their precise identities, and why exactly they were kidnapped, were initially unclear:

Mexican authorities were already closing in on Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán when a “big order of tacos” confirmed they were looking in the right place, according to a post-mortem published this weekend in the New York Times.

Among the revelations in Dark Money, Jane Mayer’s expansive new book on the Koch brothers and the rise of contemporary American conservatism, is that Fred Koch, the billionaire duo’s father, once helped build an oil refinery in Nazi Germany. The New York Times broke that item last week, but left out a key detail from the book: allied forces bombed the refinery during World War II.

Today at 10:30 a.m., in the year of Lord 2016, Donald John Trump, Sr. will take to the stage at weaponized Christianity training institute Liberty University to give a speech about... something. Presumably Martin Luther King, Jr. will be involved, as will one of Donald Trump’s favorite books, the Bible. And of course, freedom.