Just call him Richard Dean Anderpuss: An incredibly resourceful feline manages to flee a pursuing pup using the ol' surfboard across the pool trick.

The 11-year-old daughter of a Georgetown, Delaware pediatrician accused him this week of using a form of torture similar to waterboarding in order to punish her on at least four separate occasions over the course of two years.

Look at this guy. Like it or not, he's an American icon.

Welcome to A Gentleman's Quest for the Perfect Night Out, a four-part guide written by etiquette expert John Bridges meant to instruct our more testosteroney readers on how to comport themselves during the evening hours. With the help of Clear Men Scalp Therapy, which gives you 100% dandruff protection* (because, after all, perfect hair ensures a perfect night), it will cover all the man-questions you were always curious about, but were too ashamed to ask your dad. Don't worry. This is a safe space.

Ha ha ha! Here we go again. This kind of language pops up every once in a while for different reasons, I suppose, and it really has to stop.

A couple of weeks ago, hot shot New Yorker wonderboy Jonah Lehrer was forced to resign after he was revealed to have fabricated Bob Dylan quotes in his book Imagine. Remember that? Yeah. It was in all the newspapers and websites and radio stations and whatnot. The only place the news did not reach: deepest, coolest, fauxhemian Brooklyn. (And Manhattan. "Brooklyn" is just a brand name.)

Confidential school records for George Zimmerman and a blurry, xeroxed photograph of Travyon Martin's body were emailed to the press by prosecutors in a bizarre screw-up today. Two pages of records and the photograph, originally published by The Smoking Gun, are reproduced beyond the jump.

Everyone's childhood is currently going up in flames, as Raffi, the iconic Canadian ancestor of the modern-day Wiggle, is sort of losing it on Twitter.

Responding to a call about a naked man covered in Crisco wandering around Rock Island, police officers found Chad William Forber with the cooking spray can still under his arm.

Despite a tenuous-at-best report that X-Files co-stars David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson are "shacking up and in a relationship," Duchovny's rep last night issued a statement denying that fanfic has come to life.

Today, Slate essayist Katie Roiphe goes gynecological, turning her sights on our overuse of the word vagina.

From today's Western Mail. LOL. "The caption error in today's Western Mail is under internal investigation," a spokesperson tells the Press Gazette. "We apologise for any offence this error may have caused." [@Gwennys via Poynter]

"World Class Entrepreneur" Bob Thomas world class plagiarized his Nevada Appeal newspaper column today.

Last night, TLC premiered its first Toddlers & Tiaras spin-off, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. It is a show that reinforces what its source has been trying to tell us all along: the families of those who enter their children into beauty pageants are way more fascinating than the pageants themselves. The show's resulting viral noise has been astounding. You know a piece of pop culture is onto something when many agree that is that it's signaling the fall of civilization. Not since Jersey Shore's debut have the pearls been clutched so ardently, the eyes fixed so steadily.

There's no getting around it: This one's tough to watch.

There are few things the Internet loves more than a good peeing-in-a-restaurant scandal. In the U.S. we just had that Fort Wayne, Indiana Taco Bell worker who tweeted a picture of himself pissing on an order of Nachos BellGrande. Across the Great Firewall, Chinese internet users have been freaking out over a video of a kid peeing in a paper cup in a restaurant, with his parents' encouragement.

Welcome to Thatz Not Okay, a regular column in which I school inquiring readers on what is and is not okay. Please send your questions to caity.weaver@gawker.com with the subject "Thatz Not Okay."

A woman who arrived at China's Changsha Central Hospital with an itchy ear received the worst diagnosis imaginable: A small spider had apparently crawled into her ear canal while she slept, and had been dwelling inside her for the past five days.

Deadline.com owner Jay Penske and his slick hairdo were arrested this morning breaking into the Nantucket Yacht Club.

Amid a stampede of criticism directed at a Kalamazoo cop who publicly decried his inability to use his off-duty handgun on a pair of overly friendly "gentlemen" during a visit to Calgary, a report has emerged that the two men who "accosted" Walt Wawra and his wife in Nose Hill Park were actually Calgary Stampede promoters giving away free tickets.