Since toddlers were first domesticated thousands of years ago, they have been prized for their sweet faces and their deadly skill in hand-to-hand combat. Now three daycare workers in Delaware have been arrested for giving toddlers a theater in which to hone their innate violent tendencies. Secret Toddler Fight Club is no more.

An oral history of White Men Can't Jump: Oral-history tipping point or the reason the oral history was invented?

An elderly couple died yesterday while attempting to rescue their dog from a pond in Westfield, Massachusetts.

Insane congressperson Rep. Steve King says he's never heard of a woman getting pregnant from statutory rape or incest.

Members of the Russian punk band Pussy Riot were sentenced to two years in prison for "hooliganism" for staging an anti-Putin protest. The sentence was clearly an outrage, and drew worldwide protests. The most meaningful reaction of all: that of Vice magazine staffers in Brooklyn. They got some tattoos—Russian tattoos. READ IT AND WEEP, PUTIN.

Two passing motorists in Plainfield, New Jersey, rushed to help a woman who appeared to be defending herself against a male robber, only to learn later that the opposite was true.

Mykki Blanco is the "teenage female rapper" persona of the 25-year-old New York rapper Michael Quattlebaum. At least she was — in the video for Quattlebaum's intoxicating "Wavvy," which Gawker is premiering, Quattlebaum appears in and out of drag going from a backward cap and tight-jeans look to wig-and-makeup evening wear and back.

Kirk Cameron kinda sorta sympathizes with Todd Akin. This guy never tires of being that guy.

The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and the rogue state of Lochtenation may at last have reached an uneasy peace, after their rulers, Prince Harry and Ryan Lochte, met at a Las Vegas hotel pool at 3 a.m. Monday morning, and drunkenly swore to always keep it real and be best bros forever and ever.

Yesterday, Michael Wayne Hash, who spent 12 years in a Virginia prison for murder, had all of the charges against him dismissed. A judge found him to be innocent. He's a free man. Not every innocent prisoner is so lucky.

Just think: Without the Internet, this video of a cat named Arya meowing the music from Game of Thrones' title sequence might never have existed.

A Los Angeles-bound flight was diverted to Denver on Sunday "after an unruly passenger caused some big problems," as KABC put it — "A passenger told Eyewitness News there was a drunken passenger on-board causing problems." The full story wasn't quite so simple.

Gossip website TMZ claims it has been approached by an unidentified party with an offer to purchase footage of director Tony Scott's suicide leap off the Vincent Thomas Bridge, but turned it down.

The NYPD's so-called "Demographic Unit"—the mini-CIA the department's Jason Bourne Juniors created to keep track of Muslims on account of their being Muslims and all—has been responsible for exactly zero arrests, plots uncovered, or leads pursued, the AP reports today. What it has accomplished, according to the chief of the department's intelligence division, is eavesdropping on people in Lebanese cafes because "that may be an indicator of possibility that that is a sympathizer to Hezbollah."

On the single-topic Tumblr blog Dogshaming, bad dogs are finally given their just deserts — namely, a piece of paper stating what they've done wrong.

Is conservative web-linker and race hustler Matt Drudge stalking an Israeli house DJ on Twitter? This is probably not a question you thought you would be asking yourself on a Tuesday morning. And yet: the internet has a funny way of asking questions for you.

Anytime someone says something as toe-curlingly moronic as Rep. Todd "Legitimate Rape" Akin did, it's best for everyone in the vicinity to just acknowledge the moron's stupidity and move on. What you should never try to do is explain away said person's statement or try and translate the stupidity into something rational. Doing so is called "turd polishing," and it just makes an even bigger mess.

Daniel D'Addario says that Katie Roiphe's new book is exactly what one would expect. Too bad.

Al Roker appeared to malfunction during an episode of the Today Show late last week, remaining frozen on screen for several long seconds.

As unemployment ravages the working class, our lower and higher education systems shudder in crisis, and murder decimates our forgotten urban poverty zones, Nike is rolling out its first $300+ sneaker. But mom, you don't understand—it's worth it.