Barack Obama may be in serious danger of losing the vote of those who are unable to vote if he continues to alienate deported foreign-born felons at this rate. "I'd vote for [Mitt] Romney," Shyne announced in a recent interview with MTV News, adding that the President was "corny" and needed to "help the [J]ew out." Shyne was deported in 2009 after serving nearly a decade in prison for a nightclub shooting that injured three people.

Like all good art, the lyrics to Depeche Mode songs such as "Master and Servant" and "Strangelove" leave room for interpretation. In the small minds of young homophobes, most interpretations erred on the side of man-on-man dungeon sex sessions filled with drugs, oils and punishment. In "Strangelove," lead vocalist Dave Gahan sang: "strange highs and strange lows. Strangelove, that's how our love goes. …Pain. Will you return it?" In "Master and Servant" he sang about a new game that's a lot like life, a "play between the sheets. With you on top and me underneath, forget all about equality." The latter song only fed rumors that the band was gay by featuring a cracking whip sound as part of the beat.

• "human sex"

This shirt — "Put White Back in the White House" — was spotted at yesterday's Romney/Ryan campaign rally in Ohio. A member of Romney's campaign said it was "reprehensible," presumably referring to the massive cat hair on the back of the right shoulder. You're in public. Have a little self-respect. [via Buzzfeed, images via Getty]

In an attempt to erase the phrase "dying with dignity" from our collective memory, two of America's most embarrassing states have recently subjected innocent citizens to the kind of death traditionally reserved for the girlfriends of comic book characters.

New evidence indicates that our recent bouts of Extreme Weather might be caused by global warming, and not by sick BMX tricks as previously thought. And climate change is apparently increasing the amount of ice in Antarctica. Sure, everyone's ("everyone's") concerned about the plight of equatorial island nations in the face of rising sea levels and the annual die-off of the elderly and indigent during the summer heat waves along the Atlantic seaboard. But there are a great many more sinister changes that should be giving us pause. Such as:

Predditor week has come to a close, and with it, some thoughts on Adrian Chen.

More so than any other endorsement thus far, Mitt Romney must be thrilled about this latest one.

Mini-penised Danish men can finally cash in on their misfortune thanks to the Danish sex site Singlesex.dk [NSFW], which is giving away a free iPhone 5 to the man with the smallest member.

His wife's breast cancer turned out to be a blessing in disguise for a Georgia man who discovered he had skin cancer after shaving his head in solidarity.

Dear Abby is a very famous advice column that's been published since the ‘50s. Pauline Phillips founded it under the pen name Abigail Van Buren; her daughter Jeanne Phillips took over the column after her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. This Abby, it seems, can be a bit of a hippie.

Wendy's, the restaurant where dreams come true if, in your dreams, burgers are square, has just released an image of its new logo, the first update to the chain's design in almost thirty years.

Last Wednesday afternoon I called Michael Brutsch. He was at the office of the Texas financial services company where he works as a programmer and he was having a bad day. I had just told him, on Gchat, that I had uncovered his identity as the notorious internet troll Violentacrez (pronounced Violent-Acres).

After failing to get any media outlet to take her seriously, Fargo-area resident Donna decided to take her longstanding grievance to the Y94 Morning Playhouse radio show.

One thing you can do on Friday, at the end of the day, when you have a couple free minutes, is to pick up the phone fire all of your "financial adviser" and "investment consultants" and anyone else who takes money from you in exchange for recommending investments to you. Then just buy some low-cost index funds in a mix of stock and bonds, and then go to bed, because that is what smart people who don't like getting hustled do.

Friday Night Lights franchise creator Peter Berg is taking serious issue with the Romney campaign's re-purposing of his show's signature quote, "Clear Eyes. Full Hearts. Can't Lose."

Argo is Sesame Street for grownups. It's a history lesson that goes down like candy, a recreation of a little-known component of the Iran hostage crisis rendered into a breathless two-hour thriller. It's brilliant and clear, intense and hysterical and its moments of profundity are there for the consuming, should you be interested in that sort of thing. It also offers more of a visceral thrill than anything else I've seen this year or during most years. It's diabolical infotainment.

A CVS store in Jacksonville, Florida, has been forced to call up customers who purchased ready-to-use enemas earlier this year to inform them that their medical device may have been previously used by someone else.

This Indonesian quasi-Muslim anonymous sex ritual proves that all faiths have a lot to learn from one another.

Earlier this week, Gawker received a series of emails forwarded from an employee of a well-known New York media nonprofit. For the woman who wrote them, they are a record of the Universe's single-minded objective to deprive her of her kombucha. For the people who read them, they are a six-month documentation of one woman's descent into madness.