"I always try to write songs so that they could be read on lots of different levels, so you could appreciate them superficially and then if you go deeper you could see something else," Madonna told British TV's Jonathan Ross in 1992, promoting her Erotica album and Sex book. This was the puffing of a now frequently bared chest or maybe autofellatio from a woman who had recently told Vanity Fair, "I think I have a dick in my brain."

Ladies, time to start brushing dirt of your shoulders and such. Recent studies, particularly by the General Social Survey, which has been prying into the dating lives of people since 1972, suggest women are now cheating just as much as men.

As noted Ping Pong star and former Goldman Sachs executive director Greg Smith preps to release his tell-all Wall Street memoir, Why I Left Goldman Sachs, this Monday, the company's PR team has compiled a list of talking points to be used on first dates, PTA meetings, and cocktail parties.

Aaron Fisher, the 18-year-old formerly known as 'Victim 1' in the Jerry Sandusky case, gave his first interview to ABC's 20/20 Friday night. It was the first time the 18-year-old revealed his real name. The segments in which Fisher spoke were, as you'd expect, alternately sad and disturbing. Among other things, Fisher told ABC that Sandusky would wait for him outside his house, comparing the former Penn State coach to "that ex-girlfriend you wish you never had."

Rupert Murdoch is "looking to acquire" the Los Angeles Times and the Chicago Tribune. Of course he is.

In a recent interview with Finnish journalist (and former United Nations undersecretary general) Elisabeth Rehn, Kim Han-sol, the grandson of deceased North Korean looker-at-things Kim Jong Il, called his Uncle Kim Jong-un a "dictator." Despite the obviousness of the statement, this is big news because, well, there probably aren't too many people in his family willing to say shit like that in public, if at all.

In case you guys were worried about not having any Lindsay Lohan news today, here you go: this afternoon, her attention whore of a father, Michael Lohan, and several others attempted to stage an intervention outside the Mitt Romney supporter's Beverly Hills home. In an "Exclusive" interview on TMZ, Michael said he was worried about Lindsay because she's been hanging out with all the wrong people, including "some guy named Klaus." While it's impossible to know whether this is an attention grabbing stunt on Michael's part or a legitimate attempt to help his daughter, it goes without saying that anyone named Klaus is terrible fucking news.

There was a lot to be mad about this week, we get it. We're about to select the new leader of the free world and all we could talk about were binders and amnesia. There were a lot of other maddening things this week: Mindy Meyer, knives on bottles, and oh my god we had no idea how personally some of you take a Detroit diss. So we understand that you needed to vent a little, but you were really digging into the archives to find some of these. You go, Nancy Drew!

In the face of mounting pressure from activist campaigns like "Drop the I-Word," the Associated Press announced today that it would continue using the term "illegal immigrants" in its immigration coverage if and when the situation calls for it. Drop the I-Word and its proponents—like journalist Jose Antonio Vargas, himself an illegal immigrant—argue that media outlets using the word "illegal" to describe people is a "racially charged" tactic that "confuses the immigration debate and fuels violence." Critics would rather newspapers and wire services use terms like "undocumented immigrant" or "unauthorized immigrant," instead. Despite those protestations, however, the AP appears to be resolute in its decision.

Lady Gaga will soon launch a new "healthy drinking water brand." Finally, we can stop drinking all that unhealthy water.

Yes, it's that time of the year again, when all your favorite foods turn into pumpkins.

Retailers have just been instructed to pull 23 varieties of Banana Boat UltraMist sunscreen (SPFs 30 and 50) off their shelves over concerns that, in addition to providing ultra waterproof non-greasy protection from the sun, these products could also turn consumers into human torches, igniting on their skin if users touch a flame or spark before the spray has completely dried.

Back in August, during a Springfield City Council public hearing on amending the city's nondiscrimination ordinance to include sexual orientation and gender identity protections, Rev. Phil Snider of the Brentwood Christian Church lashed out at the council for "inviting the judgement of God upon our land" by making "special rights for gays and lesbians."

If you were wealthy enough to afford your own private jet, probably the last thing you would want to do is stock it with things that reminded you of Abercrombie & Fitch, right?

In veteran synth-pop act Saint Etienne's icy spin on El Perro Del Mar's "Walk on By," there are two explicit references: the track interpolates a refrain of Massive Attack's perfect 1991 single "Unfinished Sympathy" and there are snatches of Dorian Corey's era-defining speech that concludes Paris Is Burning ("If you shoot an arrow and it goes real high, hooray for you"). For sheer rarity, the Massive Attack reference is a little more knowing/unexpected — I feel like so many tracks work in Paris Is Burning samples. Yet, there's always room for Dorian. Her wisdom was so vast it continues to resound.

Despite being exhausted from having paddled nearly 600 miles from Cornwall on his way to London, an extreme rower from the Isle of Wight had to take an unplanned detour to save a Shih Tzu puppy that had become stranded at sea off the coast of Kent.

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are one step closer to divorce, as the couple has just confirmed to People they are now married.

The Salt Lake Tribune endorses Kenyan President Barack Obama. Has Mittens lost the Mormons?

Speaking at Virginia's George Mason University this afternoon, President Obama told the crowd he knows why his rival Mitt Romney has been "backtracking and sidestepping" so much lately: He's suffering from a condition known as "Romnesia."

Robert Kovacik, a reporter for NBC Los Angeles, managed to stay calm during a live news segment on Thursday night in which he shared camera time with a cockroach that probably just wanted to be on TV. To his credit, Kovacik did not let the attention-whore bug ruin the shot. As any good top model would know, the best thing to do in this situation is kiss the roach, but if that's not an option, staring straight ahead works just fine too.