Ripping a page out Michael Lehmann's twisted cult classic Heathers, a Central Michigan University student allegedly tried to poison her roommate by putting bleach in her iced tea.

Florida is looking for participants in the most dangerous game. No, not that most dangerous game: python hunting. Burmese pythons are actually a major problem for Florida, specifically in the southern part of the state, where they are decimating natural flora and fauna like bugs, probably, and narwhals and unicorns, maybe (I have no idea what lives in the Everglades).

Rich girl Lena Dunham sold a book of "frank and funny advice on everything from sex to eating to traveling to work" to Random House for $3.7 million in October on the strength of an illustrated 66-page proposal. Here it is, weighing in at $56,000 or so per page.

We've all been there: You're tired, you're hungry, you just want to live in Whitefish with your family and future husband.

Last night, most of us went to bed in a world where pudgy Korean rapper and viral sensation Psy was globally beloved for bringing us "Gangnam Style," the "Macarena" of 2012. But this morning we woke up to a different world — a colder, darker world — in which the internet was afire with the claim that Psy had performed at an anti-American concert in Seoul in 2004, where he rapped: "Kill those fucking Yankees who have been torturing Iraqi captives/Kill those fucking Yankees who ordered them to torture/Kill their daughters, mothers, daughters-in-law, and fathers/Kill them all slowly and painfully."

By 2014, cell phone owners will be able to text 911 for help. I-A-M-L-O-S-I-N-G-B-L-O-O-[message ends].

When Alissa Groeninger was invited by her boyfriend, WAND-TV early morning news anchor Mark Rivera, to talk about her role as editor of the weekly Voice section of The State Journal-Register, she thought he had finally taken an interest in her work.

If you're one of those Democrats who's been riding a huge schadenfreude high since November 6, you probably took news of South Carolina Senator Jim DeMint's retirement in the customary way. With the online equivalent of going "WHOOOOOOOO" out of a limousine's sunroof, after doing a shooter with one of those awesome names like "Sex Intercourse with Boobs Outside."

The two DJs behind the Kate Middleton hospital prank, now being blamed as a contributing factor to her nurse's suicide, have either deleted their verified Twitter accounts, or had them removed.

Yesterday, both The Daily Beast (or, more accurately, whatever Tina Brown can toss together after they've absorbed the corpse of Newsweek and laid a bunch of people off) and the Washington Post announced that they may be instituting online paywalls in the near future, making readers pay to read more than a handful of articles. In many ways, online paywalls are the future of online media. But that doesn't mean they're going to work for everyone. A few unavoidable facts that media executives should consider:

The one and only Bill Murray demonstrated why there couldn't possibly be another one like him with a Late Show entrance that only he could pull off.

Though he won his bet with Morning Joe co-cost Joe Scarborough that President Obama would win Minnesota, Michigan and Pennsylvania in the presidential election, campaign adviser David Axelrod lost his bet that Scarborough wouldn't be able to raise over $1 million toward epilepsy research.

Rumors continue to swirl that Gisele Bündchen has spent the last nine months in a state of utter pregnancy after the supermodel posted a Facebook update revealing she gave birth on Wednesday.

Ever since the Jimmy Savile sex scandal brought a bunch of BBC executives tumbling down, the UK has been, shall we say, more sensitive to the fact that famous people might have committed a bunch of sex crimes back in the Good Old Days, when sex crimes were not something that famous people much worried about. The latest famous person to be arrested and questioned about sex crimes? One of the UK's most prominent PR men, who specializes in selling tawdry sex tell-alls to the tabloids.

The King Edward VII Hospital receptionist who patched two Australian radio DJs through to Kate Middleton's private nurse was found dead today of an apparent suicide.

Sir. Sir?

Writes YouTuber siwu san: "i was doing stat homework in the library, then this was what i saw."

Some bold citizen has stolen $100K worth of jewelry from Rep. Darrell Issa's California home.

Following yesterday's surprising news that Republican Sen. Jim DeMint of South Carolina was leaving the Senate in January to head the Heritage Foundation, thoughts immediately turned to the only man qualified to replace the Tea Party politician: Stephen Colbert.

Large, bearded rapper Rick Ross canceled two concerts this weekend because of death threats from gangs.