Florida Governor Rick Scott made headlines recently after he was exposed as an awful, dog-abandoning political hack. Well, the hack part wasn't exactly news, but the dog-abandoning was. His approval rating was already low before the dog incident, so who in their right mind would throw their support behind him now? Satanists, that's who.

This is a weird one. A man was killed Tuesday afternoon after he fell from a moving subway train onto the tracks. But how did he fall, you ask? He was shitting between cars, as one does, when he apparently slipped, plunging to one of the more shameful deaths imaginable.

Two months ago, Rupert Murdoch asked a question about the "Jewish owned press." As you might expect, it didn't go over so well, and he issued a half-assed apology. But did he learn his lesson? Of course not.

A Texas state legislator announced today that he has filed a bill aimed at preventing any new federal gun laws from being enforced in his state.

Who is Amanda Bynes? Every once in a while, she drives her car into the wall of our lives, to lock herself in our cupcake shop bathrooms; to stand, naked and dreaming, in our tanning salon lobbies. To prevent us from settling too comfortably into the rhythm of life. To remind us that she exists.

"This is a simple, logical video," the text on the screen reads. "No aliens, holigrams, rituals or anything like that, just facts." (All sic.) There's some light piano (from Guns 'n Roses' "Estranged") playing in the background. "New information comes up every single days, so by the time you see this video there may be a lot more evidence that has come to light." In a few seconds, the guitar solo kicks in.

The New York Post's Page Six reported today that Tony Danza "freaked out several passengers" in First Class during a weekend flight from New York to Los Angeles after he suddenly yaxied his guts into an air sickness bag.

Like everybody else in Hollywood, Disney Channel alum Selena Gomez was trashed after Sunday's Golden Globes ceremony. Watch above as Justin Bieber's 20-year-old ex wobbles and slurs gushing praise for the show (which was great on weed, too, according to...uh...one of two of us who led Gawker's Liveblog of the ceremony). "It was a good moment for me," she says of Jennifer Lawrence winning Best Actress Musical/Comedy for Silver Linings Playbook. She clarifies, "I don't even know her, but I think she's so cool." Oh.

Buoyed by the mostly negative reception of Jessica Simpson's 2006 feature film, Employee of the Month, NBC has just revealed it is developing a scripted comedy based on her hilarious life.

Police in St. Louis say a part-time student entered the Stevens Institute of Business & Arts this afternoon and promptly shot a longtime administrator in the chest before turning the handgun on himself.

We've all been there: It's a Tuesday morning and you've got a hankering for some trail running. But your wilderness survival class taught you never to trail run alone. What do you do? With Facebook's new search engine, you can instantly use your computer to search for anyone on earth who likes trail running. (You can also find other things. But why would you want to?)

When employees at Spain's Seville Zoo installed a TV inside the chimpanzee enclosure, they thought they were providing its inhabitants with mental stimulation.

You've no doubt heard the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song a million times by now, but how many times have you heard the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song after its been translated through all 64 languages currently covered by Google Translate before being translated back the English?

A Johannesburg resident was still in intensive care today — several days after being gored by a rhino while on a game drive through the Aloe Ridge nature reserve in Muldersdrift.

This morning on the Today Show, Al Roker was in Chicago to talk to a TV fireman about the weather, but one concerned individual would rather we keep talking about that time when Al Roker #sharted at the White House. Suspecting that we may be getting off track, this brave man (apparently a radio DJ in Chicago) was there to redirect the national conversation by holding up a simple cue card: "#shart." (Upper left hand corner; later, front and center.) And yet when NBC's camera man tried to pan away, our hero went above and beyond the call of duty to get back in the shot.

Let's examine this issue calmly, one step at a time. People invented pickling thousands of years ago as a way to preserve perishable foods. The preservation comes from acidity. That's that classic sourish, pickly flavor. Americans consume more than 20 billion pickles a year. Most of those pickles are dill. Dill pickles are the most popular kind of pickles.

An unnamed eBay seller from Oxfordshire has attracted bids well over £150,000 for her yellow ASOS skater dress after accidentally uploading a nude photo of herself to the auction site.

A truck hauling over 1,000 cats stuffed into some 40 cages was involved in a traffic accident in Changsha, the capital city of China's Hunan province, giving local animal activists time to free them.

First things first: Did you even know Victor Garber was gay?

David Brooks, author, essayist, columnist for The New York Times, guy who has thoughts, is teaching a class at Yale this semester. Here is the syllabus; authors listed include Edmund Burke, Reinhold Niehbuhr, Isaiah Berlin, and David Brooks. "We will ask," Brooks writes, "whether it is proper to put a Yale window sticker on the back of your car."