In the hours since Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta agreed to lift the nearly 20-year-old ban on women serving in military combat units, a significant number of conservative commentators have come forward to explain why the move is bad for women.

A woman distracted by a text fell feet-first into a frozen canal in Birmingham — and the entire incident was caught on tape thanks to England's ubiquitous CCTV cameras.

Now that the New York Police Department is not allowed to stop and frisk every brown person on the street, Commissioner Kelly's going to have to find a new way to invade the privacy of New York's citizens. Luckily, the man beloved by three of four New Yorkers works fast: yesterday at the Waldorf-Astoria, Kelly announced the T-Ray machine, which can detect a gun underneath your clothing from 30 feet away.

Oh, my God, Canada. I'm trying not to raise my voice right now because I know you're doing your best, but, can't you ever correctly complete one simple task?

Spinlighenment fitness craze SoulCycle has swept New York and recently landed in the pages of New York magazine, in which writer Alex Morris described it like this:

A Democratic lawmaker representing Portland in the Oregon House of Representatives introduced a bill this week that aims to put cigarettes in the same controlled substance category as Special K and anabolic steroids, making them illegal to both possess and distribute without a doctor's note.

Last night's American Idol should have included footage of the infamous Mariah Carey/Nicki Minaj feud, which TMZ broke the news on in October, getting us (well, me, at least) all excited in the process. Instead of hearing Mariah call Nicki a "bitch" in earnest and Nicki yelp, "Off with your head, off with your head," in HD, we got what led up to the ranting and exasperation: a disagreement about pigeonholing a singer who'd auditioned as "country." Nicki ended up storming off, and during the next round of auditions, both parties seemed to be walking on eggshells around each other.

Al Qaeda's second in command has been confirmed dead. Watch for Zero Dark Thirty 2, out next Oscar season.

Katie Couric's long-awaited, and equally as teased, interview with Manti Te'o aired this afternoon. Couric was not shy about addressing one of the most popular hypotheses about Te'o: "One of the theories, many theories, Manti, making the rounds is somehow you created this whole scenario to cover up your sexual orientation," Katie Couric begins. "Are you gay?"

Next month more than 650 personal items of John F. Kennedy's are set to go for auction. They include photographs, mementos, gifts from foreign leaders during Kennedy's presidency and even clothing. All the items up for auction are from the personal collection of David Powers, who served as a Special Assistant to Kennedy during his presidency, and worked with him from the 1940's to Kennedy's death in 1963.

Welcome to Thatz Not Okay, a regular column in which I school inquiring readers on what is and is not okay. Please send your questions to caity.weaver@gawker.com with the subject "Thatz Not Okay."

When you think of "things that self-aggrandizing assholes like," you may think of flashy jewelry, or exotic sports cars, or misquoting The Art of War. True enough. But there is no single signifier more characteristic of the upwardly mobile, ostentatious yet fundamentally insecure, braggart asshole male than an expensive fucking watch. See this? It's a Breitling, bro. Don't touch.

During his recent television interview about serving in Afghanistan, Prince Harry is forced to cut his answer short when Camp Bastion's resident Mister Softee suddenly shows up.

A waiter who stood up for a child with Down syndrome by refusing to serve a customer who made fun of him is receiving praise from people all over the country.

In Manti Te'o's first televised interview since the news broke that his dead girlfriend story from last season was just a story, Te'o told Katie Couric that he did in fact lie about how much he knew to save himself the embarrassment. But still, the the 21-year-old Notre Dame senior told Katie that he had believed the fictional Lennay Kekua had "come out of her coma" while she was on the phone with him:

Wolves only became dogs once they started digesting carbs. "You don't want me to become a wolf, do you?" -A fat dog.

Okay. First, listen to this voicemail left on Notre Dame football star Manti Te'o's voicemail by his nonexistent "girlfriend," Lennay Kekua:

If a Republican legislator in New Mexico gets her way, women who have abortions after being raped could face jail time for "tampering with evidence."

This Google Street View of "113 Suttand Place, Lawrence" seems familiar, doesn't it? That guy is almost recognizable, isn't he? Is it near somewhere you lived? A place you've driven by?

Based loosely on legendary folk singer Dave Van Ronk's posthumously published memoir The Mayor of MacDougal Street, the Coen Brothers' highly anticipated drama (aren't they all?) Inside Llewyn Davis is an open love letter to the Greenwich Village folk music scene "that spawned Bob Dylan, Joan Baez, Mimi and Richard Farina," and, of course, Van Ronk.