After winning a $50.9 million judgment, crime author Patricia Cornwell can now afford to buy back her helicopter.

In an interview last week with CNN, Ghanaian Cardinal Peter Turkson, considered by many to be the favorite to succeed Pope Benedict XVI (which would make him the first black Pope), created an uproar with his response to Christiane Amanpour's question about the possibility of the Catholic Church's sex scandal spreading to Africa. For Turkson, the issue isn't Church-wide cover ups of the scandal or any other systematic problem; instead, Turkson thinks the abuse occurred because there were too many gay priests in Europe and North America.

A giant gas main explosion leveled a popular Kansas City restaurant, injuring at least 19, seven of them critically.

For reasons that still aren't clear, Judy Viger thought it'd be a good idea to hire strippers for her son's 16th birthday party. Maybe she thought it'd make her a cooler mom. Maybe she lost a bet with her son. Or maybe she just has terrible judgement. Probably all three. Regardless of her reasoning, she hired the strippers and now she's facing the consequences. Four months after the party, Viger was arrested and charged with five counts of endangering the welfare of a child.

Warren Lee Hill (pictured) was already serving a life sentence for one murder when he was convicted of murdering another inmate in 1990 and sentenced to death. Since that second conviction, three forensic psychiatrists who initially said Hill was mentally fit for execution have recanted their original testimonies, saying that they were inadequately prepared before and are now certain Hill is mentally retarded.

The voicemail inbox of America's Randomest Guy is blowing up like crazy today, after word has broken that Britney Spears is dating him. That guy? Yes, your friend Dave. That boring old Dave who we all know and never thought about much until he started dating Britney Spears.

That Guy Fieri's American Kitchen and Bar is a big joke is no big secret.

Anyone with eyes and a memory that goes back at least to the early '00s advent of Bad Boy Records knows that the meme or whatever it is of people convulsing arhythmically that is currently masquerading as the "Harlem Shake" is not the Harlem Shake. A filmmaker named Chris McGuire took to Harlem for man-on-the-street reactions and what starts as a jokey sort of montage gains intensity for the impassioned anti-appropriation sentiment the nu-Shake provokes. "It's not no dance, it's really a lifestyle," says one guy. "It's actually an art form, a dance art form that doesn't have the respect it deserves," says another. "Injustice," says yet another.

The controversial "Nude Men" (NSFW) exhibit at Vienna's Leopold Museum is making headlines once again.

Alicia Keys says her son gave Blue Ivy her first kiss, even though Bey and Jay obviously seek a more powerful alliance.

When Michelle Obama debuted her bangs last month, America was like, "Ohmygod. Your hair..." and Michelle was like, "I just got it cut! Do you like it?" and America was like, "It's so...bangs," and Michelle was like, "Haha, thanks!"

The Mirror reports police found "boxes and boxes" of steroids in Oscar Pistorius' home after his girlfriend's murder.

Music mogul Clive Davis came out in his memoir, The Soundtrack of My Life, but it is one of his protégés who's expressing "It Gets Better" sentiment — to herself. First season American Idol winner and occasional shit-talker Kelly Clarkson has hit back at some claims in Davis' book on her blog. Her missive, of course, begins "Hey y'all." Clarkson continues:

The Navy SEAL made famous for shooting Osama bin Laden in the face and then complaining about US-government negligence in an Esquire article published earlier this month is now under Pentagon investigation, according to The Hill's defense blog DEFCON Hill.

After being on the run for over a year, a man wanted for murder in Sweden sought to turn himself over to authorities in Malmö, but was told by officers he would need to go elsewhere because the station was closed.

Nestlé, the largest food company on the planet, announced today that it's recalling some of the beef pasta meals it sells in Spain and Italy. The reason? The "beef" contains horse DNA. And Nestlé's not the only company. Nearly all of the U.K.'s biggest supermarkets and many of their suppliers have been forced to remove horse meat fraudulently labeled as beef from the shelves as more and more companies are implicated in the widening scandal. Where's the horse meat coming from? How is it getting into the beef? Has the United States' supply been compromised? We've got the answers.

Medievalist Emir O. Filipovic was flipping through fifteenth century manuscripts at the State Archives in Dubrovnik, Croatia — your average light reading — when he came across something rather remarkable on one of the pages: Feline paw prints.

Europe, an expensive overseas cooking school populated by pussies, is still busy finding ever more outrageous ways to offend American sensibilities. First, it was the whole WWII thing, which we had to go straighten out ourselves. Then there was Monty Python. (Was he making fun of us? I think he was making fun of us.) And now, these Eurotrash types are too good to buy cars, all of a sudden.

Go here to see a close-up of President Obama's personal edits to his inaugural address. Also, his veiny, veiny hands.

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