Ted Cruz has not been shy about telling undocumented immigrants that they would be deported if he was elected President, even to their faces. But he had stopped short of saying that he would authorize federal agents to pull the undocumented from their homes and ship them out of the country—that is, until last night.

The list of people Ted Cruz hasn’t disavowed grows narrower still as his campaign this week pulled merchandise designed by the overtly racist artist Sabo.

The wreckage of Jeb Bush’s foredoomed campaign has already inspired dozens of articles about the mistakes and miscalculations that led donors, consultants, and Bush himself to believe he had a shot at winning the 2016 race. This genre of journalism reliably offers revealing anecdotes and bitchy anonymous quotes about a campaign’s internal dysfunction. The journalists on Bush’s case, however, seem preoccupied not with behind-the-scenes drama, but with the question of Bush’s soul. Indeed, four reports published in the last four days have emphasized that Bush is “human.” That seems like a trend!

As Hillary Clinton’s path to the nomination becomes clearer, our favorite right-wingers have doubled down on the conspiracy theory that she has been—secretly—in exceedingly poor health since she suffered a concussion in 2012. What exactly wrong with her? You would not believe how many things.

The group behind CPAC—the nation’s favored gathering for white conservatives who want to take a selfie with a GOP candidate—today issued a statement calling Marco Rubio’s decision to skip the annual mutual admiration conference a “rookie move.”

Beginning Aug. 1, Texans who legally own guns (so, all of them) will be able to carry their concealed weapons on the campuses of the state’s public universities. Some faculty at the University of Houston appear concerned over what the new law might mean for their safety, so the school recently presented the following Powerpoint slide that suggests ways in which teachers may reduce their chances of being murdered by their students.

President Obama today announced a plan to close Guantanamo Bay, the seven-year culmination of the promise he made during the 2008 election.

In an interview with Politico, conducted on Saturday as the results of the Republican primary in South Carolina rolled in, Ben Carson argued that Barack Obama didn’t really grow up black. Here’s the exchange, which began when Politico’s Glenn Thrush asked Carson if he “derived any pride, any sense of joy” out of Obama winning the 2008 election:

Ethiopia, in the midst of a severe drought, could run out of food by May, triggering another deadly famine. Can these people ever catch a friggin break??? Help them out, if you can.

The Justice Department is seeking court orders that would force Apple to help it bypass the security features on at least twelve other iPhones not connected to terrorism cases, the Wall Street Journal reports.

The New York Times has awarded David Carr fellowships to three journalists: John Herrman of The Awl, Amanda Hess of Slate, and Greg Howard of Deadspin. The paper established the fellowship after Carr, who wrote the influential Media Equation column, died of complications related to lung cancer in February 2015.

Letters between city and state officials concerning violence in New York City’s shelter system, provided to the New York Times, indicate that the simmering feud between Governor Andrew Cuomo and Mayor Bill de Blasio may have boiled over once again.

According to the U.N. Commission of Inquiry, war crimes in Syria are now “rampant.” What is more: “Paradoxically, the international and regional stakeholders that are ostensibly pushing for a peaceful solution to the war are the same that continue to feed the military escalation.”

Both the Guardian and Politico ran stories today about Sheldon Adelson, last seen triggering the Las Vegas Review-Journal’s rapid self-destruction, and the GOP’s growing panic over his increasingly obvious absence from the primary process—or his money’s, really.

Chanel Austin, a 36-year-old transgender woman from the Bronx who was held at Rikers Island last spring after being arrested on grand larceny charges, plans to sue New York City for $3 million for transferring her out of the 30-bed transgender housing unit and into an all-male unit.

Nick Confessore, a political reporter for the New York Times, was on MSNBC yesterday to discuss how Donald Trump has leveraged free media to support his presidential campaign. In the midst of the segment, MSNBC cut away to...give Donald Trump more free media.

The CDC is “now certain” that sexual transmission of the Zika virus is possible. Since the outbreak, there have been 500 microcephaly cases in Brazil, with 3,900 more suspected cases being investigated. Hey, seems like a good time for the Brazilian government to increase jail time for women who get abortions!

On Monday, Jason Dalton, the Uber driver suspected in three apparently random shootings that left six people dead in Kalamazoo, Michigan, this weekend, admitted to carrying out the attacks, the Associated Press reports.

There are very few people who can speak about their personal connections to Donald Trump who aren’t hideous in some way, but that doesn’t mean CNN should keep asking Roger Stone, a bad person, to be a guest.

Each and every hedge fund investor in the world believes that he is paying all that money to a hedge fund manager because he has one of the really good hedge funds. The reality is, most hedge fund investors are suckers.