Insurgents somehow poisoned and then shot 17 people at a government militia outpost in Afghanistan last night.

Only 54% of first time college students graduate (from any school) within six years.

A passenger on a nearby balloon managed to capture video of the hot air balloon accident that claimed the lives of 19 tourists yesterday in Luxor, Egypt: Smoke billows from the balloon's basket for several seconds before the ballon itself dramatically deflates and plummets toward the ground. Passengers on the balloon filming the terrifying scene can be heard gasping and praying. Victims included tourists from Japan, China, the U.K. and Hungary; the two survivors, the pilot and a British tourist, survived by jumping from the balloon. "I saw tourists catching fire and they were jumping from the balloon," local farmer Hassan Abdel-Rasoul told AP. "They were trying to flee the fire but it was on their bodies." The crash—by far the worst in history—led to the immediate suspension of hot air balloon flights in Luxor.

Move over "Man Getting Hit By Football" — there's a new Sheriff of groin-strike videos in town, and it stars One Direction's Harry Styles.

Some 50,000 people turned out at the Vatican today to watch Pope soon-to-be-Emeritus Benedict XVI give his farewell address at St. Peter's Square, cheering and waving flags as the 85-year-old Pontiff, born Joseph Ratzinger, summed up his papacy: "The Lord gave us days of sun and of light breeze, days in which the fishing was good. There were also moments when there were stormy waters and headwinds," when "it seemed like the Lord was sleeping." (Among the "headwinds": institutional corruption and the protection of predatory priests.) But don't sweat it: he's not "coming down from the Cross," he's just serving it in new ways, mostly involving prayer. Benedict's pontificate oficially ends Thursday at 8 p.m. Italian time, when the Swiss Guards outside Castel Gondolfo—the summer residence to which he'll be traveling tomorrow afternoon—march off; at the end of the week, the Cardinals (at least a dozen of whom are "tarnished with accusations that they had failed to remove priests accused of sexually abusing minors") will have begun the process to choose a new pope. His seal, and the ring of his office will be destroyed. [Sky | Reuters | NYT | HuffPo]

Police ordered a lockdown at Coastal Carolina University after reports of a shooting on campus

Exciting month for Anheuser-Busch. First, they convinced Marcus Mumford-collaborator Justin Timberlake to become the "creative director" for Bud Light Platinum. And now the company is being sued by beer drinkers in three different states for allegedly watering down its beer. The lawsuits, filed in Pennsylvania, California and New Jersey, accuse Anheuser-Busch of watering down 11 of their beers, including Budweiser, the aforementioned Bud Light Platinum, and Black Crown; each lawsuit is seeking damages of over over $5 million.

The above pictured sea beast was reportedly pulled from the Raritan River in New Jersey river sometime last week two summers ago by a Doug Cutler who, as luck would have it, was fishing with a bow and arrow at the time. Cutler spotted the creature, captured it, and a friend posted the above photo to Reddit last week, where it's been viewed over a million times since.

People are attending candlelight vigils around the country tonight to remember Trayvon Martin one year after his death.

In between cleaning Advanced Math and Science Academy Charter School's clock at this week's edition of WGBH-TV's High School Quiz Show, the boys from Brookline High decided to have some Nic Cage-themed fun with host Billy Costa.

If this man's company takes off, future food-labeling scandals won't involve horse meat, but meat made with 3D printers.

"Attracting Flies" is another brilliant single from British R&B future-retroists AlunaGeorge. With each track (including my favorite single of 2012, "Your Drums, Your Love"), they hone their craft of sounding simultaneously familiar (like from the early '90s) and alien. It's true for their production and their lyrics, which are based on cliches to form something slightly more abstract. Instead of saying, "You're talking shit," in her naturally speedy voice, Aluna Francis sings, "Little gray fairy tales and little white lies / Everything you exhale is attracting flies." So Britishly polite.

AP's chief photographer in Asia, David Guttenfelder, has been in North Korea for the past week. It's not his first time—it's his 20th, dating back to 2000—and it's not the first time he's been there with his phone, either. But it is the first time he's taking geotagged Instagram photos. He writes on his blog:

The host of a Croatian TV program for kids suffered a scary-looking fall after she fainted on camera while introducing the show's topic of the day: Oxygen.

Oscar-winning ball of sunshine and jazz-hands-fueled energy Anne Hathaway (pictured above, raising the roof) puts the "Oy!" in "cloying" and knows that you're mocking her. She's affected by the mass sneering that occurs after she does anything in public, she recently told Us Weekly:

Friend of Hamas Chuck Hagel has been officially confirmed by the Senate as the next Secretary of Defense.

The Nybro Action Team consists of Hjalmar Sveinbjőrnsson and Alex Bejerstrand, two under-employed roommates living in Nybro, a small industrial town in southern Sweden. Hjalmar is a chef; Alex takes woodworking courses. We asked them to address the controversy surrounding the Onion's Oscar-night tweet describing Quvenzhané Wallis as a "cunt." This is their first feature for Gawker. We have lightly edited their post for grammar and punctuation.

Instagram has 100 million active users—so that's how many people are interested in cappuccino art and blurry sunsets.

Frat bros do lots of things that upset us. They host "racist ragers." They butt-chug fine pinot grigio. They host barbecues on Locust Walk during finals when you're trying to study OH MY GOD TURN DOWN THE MUSIC.

Comedian Brick Stone (real name: Dave Sirus) has made harassing Westboro Baptist Church members his life's mission.