As you may have heard, Justin Bieber had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week last week, fueled in part by paparazzi fatigue.

One day before Mayor Bloomberg's ban on large sugary drinks was to go in effect in New York City, New York Supreme Court Judge Milton Tingling blocked the restrictive new regulations saying they are "fraught with arbitrary and capricious consequences," reports the Wall Street Journal.

Danny Boyle says his forthcoming Trainspotting sequel will only be "loosely" based on Irvine Welsh's Porno, thank god.

Jon Lee Anderson, a writer for a weekly magazine called the New Yorker, got angry on Twitter today. A reader with the Twitter name of Mitch Lake (@mlake9) had tweeted at Anderson (@jonleeanderson) to dispute a claim of fact in Anderson's online story about the death of Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez. Anderson had written that Chavez had left his country as "one of the world's most oil-rich but socially unequal countries," and Lake countered that in fact Venezuela was the second-least unequal country in the Americas.

Beachgoers rushed to save a young boy from drowning off the coast of Napier, New Zealand, yesterday, forming a human chain that helped pull the struggling lad back to shore.

"[T]here are no reservations between 7pm and 9pm. Anywhere. Even a dreary spot." Michael Wolff is now Cindy Adams.

For six months, a new lawsuit alleges, Chau Van (pictured), was one of Oakland's "most wanted criminals," according to the Oakland Police Department. The only problem? He wasn't actually wanted for anything—even though his name and photograph were published on a KTVU feature about Oakland's most wanted.

Beloved New York day trip destination and shithole Coney Island was hit hard by Hurricane Sandy. Not to worry: Matt Chaban reports that, with the official opening of CONEY SUMMER 2013 FUCK YEAH CLAM STRIPS *VOMITS* just weeks away, the rebuilding effort has successfully rehabilitated the charming hellscape. Buildings, completely remodeled! Businesses, spiffed up! Rides, scrubbed and repainted! The very sand on the beach sifted for debris, leaving the beaches "cleaner than they probably have been in a century!"

A tipster—identifying himself as cub scout parent in Texas—forwards us part of a new poll the Boy Scouts of America is asking him and other parents to complete. As the BSA gets closer to making a decision about whether to lift its ban on gays, the century-old organization is gauging how BSA parents feel about the possibility of openly gay scouts and scout leaders within its ranks.

A tubby middle-aged man traveling by plane to the Northeast Chinese city of Harbin chose vanity over his veins last week and ended up in the hospital as a result.

Don't go to law school. And don't go to a second-tier law school. If you do, make sure it's accredited, for god's sake.

Catharsis: Gay guy chases down man who called him a "faggot," homophobe retreats like a coward.

Looks like anyone hoping to see a grown woman battle a 14-year-old 24-year-old in the press will be going home disappointed; Tina Fey has neither the time nor the patience for you to make her nonexistent feud with Taylor Swift "a thing."

While performing the musical equivalent of twinkletoes, "Suit & Tie," on Saturday Night Live this weekend, Justin Timberlake altered one of its lines in an apparent jab at Kanye West. "My hit's so slick got rappers acting dramatic," sang Timberlake instead of the usual, "Shit so sick got a hit and picked up a habit." Oooh, burn. Calling Kanye West dramatic is like calling him a rapper or an oxygen breather.

The official US unemployment rate fell to 7.7% last month, its lowest in four years. For the long-term unemployed, however, the outlook is still extraordinarily grim. Each week, we bring you true stories of unemployment, straight from the unemployed. Thirty volumes deep and still coming. This is what's happening out there.

After a chunk of ice was inadvertently dislodged by another mountain climber above him, Mark Roberts was sent shooting down Parsley Fern Gully in Snowdonia without any means of slowing down.

Did you ever think you'd see the day when man and beast would be able to freely communicate? Well, Holy Talking Dog, the hour has arrived.

One day last September, Chelsey Feole was in her car blasting some "Runaround Sue" and waiting on her nana.

Normal boy Justin Bieber seems poised to turn his weird, bad week into a weird, bad fortnight. The singer abruptly canceled the second of two scheduled Portuguese concert appearances just days before he was expected to perform.

When a Washington Post columnist fell for a fake news story on the "satire" site Daily Currant a few weeks ago, Breitbart.com's John Nolte suggested the paper was without "a shred of self-awareness, integrity, and dignity" and wrote that it "never... let facts get in the way of a good Narrative."