Angry jellybean Justin Bieber is being investigated for battery after a neighbor told police the popstar got physical with him during an argument Tuesday morning, according to TMZ.

Your annual update on The Decline And Fall of the Soda Empire: American soda (meaning "Coke," for people who talk regular) consumption was down by 1.2% in 2012—AFTER BEING DOWN BY 1% THE YEAR BEFORE THAT ALSO. Sales of carbonated sugar water have been declining each year since 2005.

Obama names Julia Pierson as first woman head of the Secret Service. She's been part of the Secret Service for 30 years.

A man is in custody for allegedly trying to smuggle a phone to Charles Manson. Who the fuck does Charles Manson call?

Every December, the Swedish Language Council (a government-funded group that regulates the Swedish language) releases a list of new words that have entered everyday speech but do not appear in any dictionary.

During an interview with British radio station Xfm, actor/singer/heartthrob Jared Leto was asked about some of the weirder gifts he's received from fans over the years.

Some Buddhists are hardcore.

The hottest ticket in DC today was a seat in the Supreme Court, where the justices heard oral arguments in the first of two days of hearings concerning same-sex marriage. The first case up was Hollingsworth v. Perry, better known as California's Proposition 8. Entitled director Rob Reiner was the first person in the public line to watch the arguments this morning, due to the fact that he paid someone to wait for him. ("He declined to talk about that aspect," reported the Huffington Post.) The rest of us schmoes, including cabals of protesters who had come to Washington to support or attack gay marriage, had to wait outside as news slowly trickled from the inner depths of the SCOTUS, where cameras and electronic equipment are banished.

Was this young lady drunk? Temporarily deranged? Did she lose a bet? Was the tattoo artist best friends with an ex-boyfriend on whom she cheated numerous times?

The passage of a new "6-week ban" makes North Dakota the nation's most restrictive state on abortion rights. Congrats.

Buzz Bissinger is having a sexual midlife crisis. The Pulitzer Prize-winning author of Friday Night Lights stopped having sex with his wife "several years ago," he writes, and "began to wonder about sex and sexuality and where exactly I fit in in the complex spectrum." He started experimenting with sex with men, in being a "dominant leather master," in cross-dressing, in sex clubs. And he spent $600,000 on clothes that make him look like a Russian music producer.

The tenth anniversary of the Iraq War was marked by a procession of mostly liberal pundits solemnly apologizing for supporting the ill-fated invasion in the first place. As the issue of gay marriage goes in front of the Supreme Court, we're treated to the sight of the former president who signed the Defense of Marriage Act arguing that it should be overturned. Let's talk about what courage and cowardice in politics really mean.

A mother of two from Leeds who idolizes Katie Price and aspires to be a glamour model has received a fully-funded breast enhancement courtesy of the British taxpayer.

Meet 17-year-old British high schooler Nick D'Aloisio, the Justin Bieber of iPhone app development. He just sold his iPhone app Summly, which he started when he was 15, to Yahoo for $30 million, according to All Things Digital.

In 2011, America's most cherished treasures, acTORS James Franco and Anne Hathaway, hosted the Oscars. They didn't do a great job, but everyone's since moved on. We don't spend too much time psychoanalyzing the relationship of Anne Hathaway and James Franco, two people who don't seem to know each other that well.

Kanye West reportedly is considering I Am God as his next album's title, just in case you had any doubts.

For the twelve million Americans who are officially unemployed, life's problems run much deeper than the fact that their friends may be uncomfortable talking to them about job stuff. Each week, we bring you true stories of unemployment, straight from the unemployed. This is what's happening out there.

Last week in Egypt, a group of Russian photographers apparently climbed the Great Pyramid of Giza—hiding from guards for four hours after closing time before beginning the ascent. Climbing the pyramid, one of the photographers claims, carries a punishment of one to three years. But it was worth it. "I was speechless," one wrote. "I felt a chilling delight, absolute happiness." Here are some of their photos:

Red Medicine, a top-shelf Vietnamese fusion eatery in Beverly Hills known for stirring shit up, is back to racking up gossip inches with its latest stunt: Naming and shaming customers who don't honor their reservations.

Police have confirmed that Boris Berezovsky, the Russian oligarch found dead this weekend, died from a hanging. Despite the many conspiracy theories, authorities say there was no evidence of struggle before his death, and the examination results support claims that he killed himself.