Excuse me, miss: did you really engage in cultural exchange with the Cuban people? Florida Senator Marco Rubio is ringing the alarm over Beyoncé and Jay-Z's fifth-anniversary trip to Cuba last week, which he claims was "seized on for propaganda purposes" by the Castro regime. The brief vacation was apparently given the green light by the Treasury Department, which licenses trips to Cuba for "educational exchange activities that will result in meaningful interaction"; according to the New York Times, the crazy-in-love couple "visited the children's theater group La Colmenita, where Beyoncé danced with little girls dressed as bumblebees," and Beyoncé, apparently feelin' it, "half-danced" during a performance by the Cuban Contemporary Dance Company on Friday, which would seem to qualify (if she were a boy she might have, as her husband did, enjoy "a Cuban cigar on the balcony of their government-owned hotel, the Saratoga"). According to Academic Arrangements Abroad, which planned and arranged the trip, the officials that run this town (well really, who run the world of Cuba) had no foreknowledge of the vacation and "struggled to provide adequate security" (What? Who? we imagine them saying), but worked it out—and got Beyoncé bodies to protect her—in the end. "If interested in what life really like in #Cuba @S_C_," Rubio tweeted, "should have visited persecuted rapper #AngelYunierRemon #99problems&dictatorsareone." Listen, Marco: I know you have sweet dreams of showing Jay-Z and his naughty girl what you got, and I get that it's a hard knock life for politicians representing Cuban exiles—can't knock the hustle for Florida Senators—but surely you can work it out without resorting to bad puns based on Jay-Z and Beyoncé tracks? It's like you're making the songs cry. Move on to the next one. [Reuters | TPM | NYT]

The judge in the Jana Winter case awarded the reporter a reprieve on Monday, delaying his decision about her testimony.

When Paul Marinaccio was a child living in Italy, he had a terrifying encounter with a neighbor. He remembers wandering from the vineyard where his parents worked to a nearby farm to pick figs. While there, he encountered a man, who angrily chased the young Paul from the property while, for some reason, holding several bullfrogs. The fear stayed with Marinaccio.

A man from Logansport, Indiana was arrested for a DUI early Monday morning. Standard enough. Everyone makes mistakes. But what makes this case unusual is the fact that the man, 24-year-old Matthew Devore, wasn't pulled over by police or reported by another driver. Instead, he called 911 to turn himself in, telling the operator he was driving drunk and needed to taken off the road.

It's been a rough year for people who make their living masquerading as beloved children's characters in New York City. Last summer, there was the sad case of Central Park's Jew-hating Elmo (who, by the way, is named Adam Sandler). Two months ago, a man dressed as Spider-Man in Times Square claimed to be the victim of a vicious snowball attack from a stingy mom. Monday morning, the streak continued when a man in a Cookie Monster suit was arrested for allegedly shoving a two-year-old boy.

An escaped chimpanzee is reportedly roaming around a Las Vegas neighborhood right now.

A new study published Monday in the scientific journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences has proven, finally, that women really do want it all.

A married South Carolina man who was arrested for solicitation of prostitution told police he went looking for sex because he was having trouble at home.

Guns don't kill people—no, they do. One did this past Saturday, in the 26,000-person town of Lebanon, Tennessee, when it was left loaded on a bed, within grabbing distance of a toddler.

It may take a leap of faith to fall for a news article claiming that powerful megachurch pastor Joel Osteen has resigned his post citing a "lack of faith," but more than a few True Believers were willing to give a prankster the benefit of the doubt when they stumbled upon a fake letter of resignation supposedly penned by Osteen himself.

Asked about her participation in a recently shot "sex tape," MTV reality show personality Farrah Abraham pretended to know nothing about it.

The grand matriarch of monied, blonde WASP summertime, Lilly Pulitzer, has died at 81. The vivid-print fashion designer and Standard Oil fortune descendant shuffled off to a wine-and-cheese croquet match in the sky on Sunday, presumably after a tasteful Episcopalian service and cucumber sandwiches at the Breakers.

When most of us want to double down on free samples, we resort to trickery out of cowardice. We accept one mini hot dog, duck down another aisle, swap coats with a friend, put our hair in a ponytail, take off our glasses, then go back and accept another yelling, "OH, A FREE SAMPLE? WOW, I WONDER IF I WILL LIKE IT. HMM…INTERESTING TASTE. TAKING MY MOUTH A WHILE TO GET USED TO THIS NEW TASTE. VERY CRAZY. VERY DIFFERENT."

The image macro meme Confession Bear is mostly used to bare one's soul concerning trivial matters such as loving the smell of one's own balls.

Tara Reid mourns Magaret Thatcher, Act One and Act Two.

Here's Brad Paisley's new song "Accidental Racist," with a guest verse by LL Cool J. You can read the lyrics here. It appears to be... some kind of 11th-grade AP U.S. History project?

Last night, during the Mad Men season premiere, New York magazine published the definitive account of internet animal-photography-distribution platform Buzzfeed. Here are some of the coolest things we learned about Jonah Peretti's awesome advertorial platform:

As one might expect, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to fans ruining the show for other fans by insisting on watching the entire performance in the glowing light of their smartphone screens.

Fede Alvarez's remake/reboot/reimagining of Sam Raimi's Evil Dead and Evil Dead II respects its source material in a manner that feels perfunctory at times. It flashes to references like it's ticking off a list. Sentimental necklace, check. Chainsaw, check. Necronomicon, check. Flying camera, check. Mirror scare, check. Possessed hand, check. Emotionally manipulative demons, check. Sexual assault by tree, check.

The lives of great figures often resonate with the lives of the ordinary multitudes who admire them. Here's a roundup of some people who found Margaret Thatcher inspirational, and even sympathetic. Truly, the story of the Iron Lady contained a piece of everyone's story.