Slumburbia Is Real

Hamilton Nolan · 05/20/13 09:25AM

For years now, affluent (mostly white) Americans have been moving back into our nation's "inner cities," those once-scary locations populated only by forgotten minorities and a distinct lack of quality condo development. And poor people, in turn, have been decamping for the suburbs, those once-deluxe bastions of white flight. Slumburbia is no longer our future. It is our present.

Watch Miguel Crash-Land Crotch-First Onto Some Poor Girl's Head

Kate Bennert · 05/19/13 09:36PM

During his performance at the Billboard Music Awards, Miguel attempted to jump from the stage to the catwalk as the crowd watched on from what they hoped was a safe distance. One lucky fan, however, got up close and personal with the pop singer when his genitals came crashing into the back of her head, slamming her face into the stage. After removing the girl's head from between his legs, Miguel hugged another (not as lucky) fan next to him because everything is awesome and the show must go on.

Moving to America Will Kill You

Max Rivlin-Nadler · 05/19/13 04:03PM

New research on the health of immigrants has found that they live longer than their children, mostly because the American way of life is a horribly unhealthy one.

Gabrielle Bluestone · 05/19/13 03:50PM

Who has the smallest penis in Brooklyn? A local bar aims to find out with their first annual Smallest Penis in Brooklyn pageant this June.