Matt Lauer needs fresh blood to spread on his bread and so it was announced Thursday that Carson Daly, a dreamy-eyed father of two with heady, rich blood, deep crimson like the stigma of a saffron crocus, will be joining the Today show, as a permanent feature, beginning Monday, September 16. The program will also unveil its new open floor plan set on the same day.
First, some context.
You know how it is: you're a man. A red-blooded man. You enjoy consuming steaks, lifting iron in the gymnasium, and fucking your woman like, every day. But when you get older things change. To maintain your manhood, have you considered sucking estrogen from a fertile woman's body, like a vampire?
There is a lot to like in Jimmy Fallon's highly anticipated parody of AMC's Breaking Bad, whether you're a fan of Breaking Bad, a fan of Late Night, or just a fan of jokes.
Three months after President Obama authorized the order, Syrian rebels have received their first shipment of weapons from the CIA. According to the Washington Post, the deliveries of light, “trackable” weapons began two weeks ago, along with vehicles, communications equipment and other non-lethal aid from the State Department.
When firefighters arrived at an apartment fire in McMinnville, Oregon on Monday night, they found two pit bulls trapped on a second-floor balcony. The first dog managed to climb up onto the railings and balance itself before finally realizing it needed to jump. The second dog was also able to jump off the deck once a firefighter removed some railings.
Police in Greenwich, Connecticut have arrested 73-year-old Janina Slomiana on six counts of criminal mischief for vandalizing neighborhood cars with possibly “some sort of metal screw or chunk of metal” this Sunday (pictures here). They’re also looking at 20 other cases of vandalism reported in the neighborhood this summer, one including a truck with over $6500 in damage.
A Florida pastor was arrested today, thus halting his Facebooked-plans to burn 2998 Qurans in a Mulberry park to “protest” the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks. Pastor Terry Jones, 61, and his associate Pastor Marvin Sapp Jr., 44, were just minding their own business driving a pickup truck towing a large grill filled with thousands of kerosene-soaked Qurans when they were pulled over and stopped.
Elizabeth Chuck at NBC News reports today on the “Modern-day Mary Poppins,” which is really just a cute way of referring to young women who graduate from college and can’t get jobs doing anything but nannying. This shift in the market—moving away from uneducated and / or international nannies—has turned out to be especially beneficial for really rich families who a) want their kids to get “an edge” in the increasingly competitive world for babies and b) feel more comfortable with “a peer” watching their children (aka a white person).
Harbinger of fall and Thought Catalog’s sophisticated drink of choice, Starbucks’ Pumpkin Spice Latte has a lot of fans. Some of these fans were even vegans until they discovered the latte mix was filled with condensed milk. But now, instead of just giving up and choosing to face the scary future without a daily Venti soy PSL, the vegans are mobilizing. Again.
Did you recently send your younglings off to school? Congratulations on another milestone on the road to college debt! But during these first weeks of the new school year, you may have to answer a few uncomfortable questions about the various teachers, administrators, "lunch ladies," or P.E. instructors who did something idiotic or insane, already.
College!
