Because watching people get scared is fun, and the "I like turtles" kid always deserves a revisiting.

"I believe that you are a decent person, who would not naturally wish to harm good people in dire situations," is probably the weirdest compliment person-shaped-internet-meme Benedict Cumberbatch has received in his career. But Julian Assange is not your normal tween Cumerbatch fan on Tumblr. Assange is not happy about the upcoming Dreamworks blockbuster The Fifth Estate, which features Cumberbatch as him, and he's written a very long letter to express his dissatisfaction.

Can this on-again, off-again trucker protest in D.C. get any fucking weirder than it already is? Yes, because anything is possible with speed. Despite one of the protest's organizers saying yesterday that the "Truckers Ride for the Constitution" rally was all a lie from the start, a rival organizer now says the protest is moving forward as planned. Oh, and President Obama is Osama bin Laden.

When it comes to confronting its own historically low approval ratings, Congress is less of head-on type than a head-up-its-own-ass type.

Generally speaking, when someone purchases a house, they assume that they have also purchased the rights to the land that sits directly beneath that house. Not so fast, suburbanites! You may have already signed away your right to not have fracking underneath your back yard.

Jerry Springer, television's ringmaster of the surreal since 1991, is adding a new show to his shocking plate: Tabloid, an ID channel enterprise (premiering next year) that will explore the truth behind some of the sensational headlines seared into our noggins like spilled battery acid. That headless body in a topless bar never had much to say, but affable Jerry certainly does, so I gave him a call to discuss.

Ronan Farrow—the 25 year-old Rhodes Scholar, Yale Law School grad, UNICEF spokesman, advisor to Hillary Clinton and the Obama administration, recognized Twitter user, and son of Mia Farrow and either Woody Allen or Frank Sinatra—has his powder blue eyes fixed on you, TV watcher, right this second. Don’t look away.

Here is how it begins: "Dear Miley, I've noticed a decline in attention by the day since I last mentioned your name in public, so here I go again LOL."

While thousands of frustrated park service employees sit at home waiting anxiously for the shutdown to end, one private citizen has taken it upon himself to keep DC clean whether politicians like it or not.

This morning, during a House Oversight and Government Reform Committee hearing, Congressmen Gerald Connolly posed an unusual question to IRS official Sarah Hall Ingram: Have you been consorting with the devil?

Ben Tausig, the mind formerly behind the Onion AV Club's crossword puzzles and a Gawker pal, has launched the American Values Club Crossword, a weekly subscription crossword puzzle that will feature various notables writing crossword puzzles, because why not? You can go here to buy the inaugural submission, which Tausig co-wrote with Ira Kaplan of Yo La Tengo fame, who is probably an awesome puzzler. Future puzzles are forthcoming from Comedian of Comedy Patton Oswalt and former Oxford English Dictionary editor Jesse Sheidlower. Can't do better for a dollar. (Which is how much each one costs.)

29-year-old Ross Ulbricht, the alleged mastermind of the underground drug market Silk Road, did not leave much of an impression on his former housemates, according to a new report from Forbes. Until he turned up on the front page of the San Francisco Examiner, accused of running a multi-million dollar drug bazaar for years under the handle "Dread Pirate Roberts." Above are text messages, via Forbes, between housemates Drew and Brandon from the moment they realized the true identity of their mysterious summer subletter, who called himself "Josh" and said he was a "currency trader" and freelance IT worker.

Last week, a reader who recently became homeless sent us an (undeserved) note of gratitude after several Gawker commenters helped him out in a tough time. At our request, he wrote an essay about how he ended up living in his car, what his life is like, and how random strangers online came to his aid, however briefly. Read it below.

Word on the street is that the flame-haired party king of England, future Duke of Suffolk, and the most decorated Female Body Inspector of all time, Prince Harry of Wales, is planning to marry his girlfriend of one-and-a-half years, the lithe blonde human incarnation of Burning Man Cressida Bonas—and soon.

You'd think that will all the ground being ceded to China the US could at least hold on to its position as the number one exporter of cute Internet cats.

Today, Maine becomes the first U.S. state to allow residents to legally purchase cheap mail-order prescription drugs from foreign pharmacies.

Twitter, with its ubiquitous baby blue color scheme, chipper bird logo, and dreams of changing the world, seems like a friendly, benevolent company. Yet—according to an excerpt of a new book in The New York Times Magazine—its ruthless founder is anything but.

Well, the Nobel Prize committee can give up right now, because P.R. Resurrector is the only author deserving of literature's greatest prize, and Horny Ghost of Osama Bin Laden: Rise of the Ghost is his masterpiece.

Coolio lived up to his stage name earlier this week by inviting himself to the off-campus housing of some random college students, and then sticking around to cook them dinner and even jam out to an acoustic rendition of "Gangsta's Paradise."

A burlesque dancer from Brooklyn filed a lawsuit Tuesday against the NYPD for arresting her last summer as she sunbathed topless in a park.