Considering the years-long battle to pass the Affordable Care Act and the lengths to which Democrats went to protect it, the launch of President Obama's healthcare law was something of a disaster, marred mostly by the program's broken website. But now we know just how awful the enrollment numbers were from those first few days.

In a big win for people who spend their time petitioning mega corporations to make unhealthy foods mildly healthier, Kraft Food Group Inc. announced Thursday that they will begin removing dyes from their famously-bright macaroni and cheese.

A federal appeals court in New Orleans has reinstated a key part of Texas’ oppressive new abortion law, only days after a federal court in Texas struck down the same provision. Abortion-performing doctors will now be required to have admitting privileges at a hospital within 30 miles of their clinic, a rule that will lead to 12 clinic closures.

[Some now-deleted, but great advice from America's favorite televangelist. Image via Joel Osteen/Twitter]

Laurie Anderson, Lou Reed's widow, has published a short eulogy about the late musician and his final days: "He died on Sunday morning looking at the trees and doing the famous 21 form of tai chi with just his musician hands moving through the air."

Halloween. It’s a great night for children who love candy and a great night for timid adults who struggle to get laid without costumes. Here we are on a cool October night, everyone just dressing up and trying to get something sweet, you know?

Joseph Hall, who was just 10 years old when he put a gun to his father's ear and pulled the trigger in 2011, was sentenced to 10 years in juvenile detention today in California.

Joe Lhota’s campaign just released a “funny” list of Bill de Blasio’s possible Halloween costumes. So if you see a tax collector, a toll collector, a slumlord, a ghost, Silent Bob, or Tom Brady trick-or-treating tonight, it's most likely Bill de Blasio.

The saga of the globetrotting NSA leaker continues. Despite being the most famous data leaker in the entire world right now, American fugitive Edward Snowden has been hired to help maintain a Russian web company. We suppose everyone deserves a second chance.

Welcome to Thatz Not Okay, a regular column in which I school inquiring readers on what is and is not okay. Please send your questions (max: 200 words) to caity@gawker.com with the subject "Thatz Not Okay."

The "Hang In There Kitty" can go ahead and let go: Humanity has found itself a new spirit animal.

It's just a coincidence that LGBT History Month occurs during our culturally appointed Scariest Time of the Year—it’s positioned to coincide with National Coming Out Day (October 11) and to commemorate the first National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights, which took place October 14, 1979, not with All Hallow's Eve.

New York City's stop-and-frisk case hit another snag today when a federal appeals court blocked a previous ruling that the policy be changed. The previous judge was also taken from the case.

Arizona State University managed to stagger its way back into Playboy's list of the top 10 party schools after being bumped off last year, but is just barely hanging on. Thanks to one particularly festive student, however, ASU is a shoo-in for next year's number 1.

It's nice to hear a billionaire call for making America's tax code a little more equitable. It would be nicer to hear more rich people say that before they make a billion dollars.

As if you needed another reason to avoid bats this Halloween. Scientists have finally solved the mystery of where the SARS pandemic of the early 2000s originated: everyone's favorite flying mammal.

A study says that people whose Ph.D dissertations covered more than one field earn less money than "those who completed dissertations in a single field."

A Brooklyn prep school was briefly shut down yesterday and eight students were hospitalized after a noxious gas was released into one of the classrooms that later turned out to be Axe body spray.

Toronto police are in possession of a tape of Mayor Rob Ford smoking crack and the guy still won't resign. Here, appearing in front of his office—done up as a haunted house for Halloween—he speaks with reporters: "I wish I could come out and defend myself. Unfortunately I can't, because it's before the courts. And that's all I can say right." Asked if he's going to resign, he says no: "I have no reason to resign." Well, there's the crack tape! But, sure, pal.

It's said that connections can open a lot of doors, but Caroline Biden learned last month that jail cell doors aren't among them.