Awww. Pop's hottest, most convincingly eternal couple, John Mayer and Katy Perry, stopped by Good Morning America to premiere their "Who You Love" video and, in the process, awkwardly suffered through their first-ever shared interview. They discussed their seating configuration woes ("We don't quite know what kind of body language we're supposed to be exhibiting at the moment—you get too close and it's too touchy-feely, you sit too far away they say, 'I don't see chemistry,'" lamented Mayer) and first date (they had dinner, reported Perry, adding fascinatingly, "We share music as a love together, you know, that's like a common interest so..."). And then Mayer talked about his adverse reaction to watching Perry in the studio:

To help avoid regulators, Bloomberg is offering banks more control of instant messages and chat rooms used by traders. The same IMs that were "used to rig interest rate markets, where they left a colourful trail of promised steak dinners and champagne."

Looking back, we now see it was inevitable. The internet has finally produced what we've apparently all been waiting for: an erotic gay slash-fic about conservative congressmen Paul Ryan and Aaron Schock.

My wife and I dizzily coughed flu sputum at each other this weekend, taking turns holding our sick baby son on our laps, lugging his tons of accoutrements cross-country as he screamed through delayed wintry flights, and all I could think was: Pity the monied urban childless! How may we improve their lots?

This month, Barack Obama gave a speech vowing to make curbing income and wealth inequality a top priority for the remainder of his time in office. He better get to work. As of 2011, he was headed in the opposite direction.

On Monday, The Cut posted an interview with a person. This one happened to be named Blake Lively, which is funny because she wasn't. Nor particularly interesting! Plenty polite, though, and intermittently coherent, which is more than you can say for most commercial grade toaster ovens on the market today.

Not in the sense that what happens locally has national ramifications, but in the sense that every local news station around the country is reporting the exact same story. Line for line.

A brand new Whole Foods, the first ever in Brooklyn, opened this morning in Gowanus, and inspired One Direction-like stampedes from eager borough-dwellers.

Florida's Republican House speaker-to-be is tweeting the many holiday blessings his ilk has given the Sunshine State, including the ability to gun anyone down at will. As one reporter responded: "In the run up to Xmas, FL gave to me: politicians pandering paranoia. Happy Bday, Jesus, U have no duty 2 retreat."

That Lars von Trier certainly discombobulates people who watch his movies! For instance, there's Peter Debruge, chief international film critic of Variety, who just wrote his review of von Trier's four-hour Nymphomaniac, which includes the following passage:

A Detroit-area woman who was allegedly trying to "protect" her dog from a stray cat went about it in the worst possible way — by kicking snow in its face.

In California—the state with the most military veterans—veterans under age 35 have a higher death rate than active duty service members, and are twice as likely as civilians to commit suicide or die in a car crash.

Google has released its top searches of 2013—and guess whose obituary is most searched-for?

It seems some of the Christian soldiers fighting for God in the Holy War on Christmas have decided to treat the ongoing faux-troversy like an actual war and assault those who dare to be a bit more inclusive in their holiday greetings.

Do you have a job that overworks you? Wish you had more time at home with the kids, or just alone with your thoughts? You should join our elite secret outfit of people who pretend to work for the Central Intelligence Agency to get out of doing their day jobs.

Forrest High School in Jacksonville, Florida, has a student body that is mostly black. The school is named for Nathan Bedford Forrest, the founder of the Ku Klux Klan. On December 16, 2013, the school board finally decided to change the name.

Shia LaBeouf proudly made his 2012 directorial debut HowardCantour.com available to the masses yesterday through Vimeo.com. And it took those masses just a few short hours to figure out that the entire thing had been shamelessly plagiarized.

An infant was saved from potentially life-threatening injury when a supernaturally alert airport security guard made an incredible last-second dive to save him from a nasty fall.

On Monday, NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden penned an open letter to Brazil, praising the country for its strong response to the NSA's widespread data collection and offering to help investigate such programs if Brazil grants him permanent political asylum. Snowden is currently living in Russia on a one-year asylum.

Tonight, Commentary editor and New York Post columnist John Podhoretz stormed off the stage of a genteel event after Forward editor Jane Eisner, acting as a moderator, gesticulated too much in his direction.