Last week, an impassioned letter from a sexual abuse survivor surfaced online. Its author had been at the center a scandal that attracted national media attention. The letter's vulnerability, and its bravery, gave me chills.

Evangelical conservative radio personality Bryan J. Fischer is a batshit sound-bite machine for the Lord. And he would like you to know how much he loves black men, even if you can't compute that in your "black heart."

Sochi, or "so-chi," is not just the site of the Olympic games—it's also an expression in the tradition of Zen, meaning "so (much) chi (or qi)." I write the preceding sentence on a piece of paper, then eat it, while shouting "Worldstar!" Was it ever true?

Pat Roberts leads a pretty quiet life in the Senate. The senior Kansas Republican has been in the upper chamber since 1997, though most people would be hard-pressed to pick him out of a crowd. It might prove challenging for residents of Kansas, too, since he doesn't even have a house there.

A 16-year-old girl was charged with distributing child pornography after she posted nude pictures of herself to Twitter in January.

Hey, look. The internet still has lies in it.

Ex-State Department official Stephen Jin-Woo Kim will plead guilty for leaking classified documents about North Korea’s nuclear program to Fox News reporter James Rosen. The Department of Justice, which reportedly spied on Rosen in the course of investigating the leak, agreed to a 13-month prison term for Kim.

Montana's governor today appointed Democrat John Walsh to take the seat left open by Sen. Max Baucus, who's becoming an ambassador. The move again gives Montana, population 1 million, the same number of senators as California, population 38 million.

A good friend of mine recently realized that he lives in the same apartment building as Amanda Knox. Being single and in his early twenties, he quickly developed a crush on her. Apparently he's seen her around and talked to her several times, even invited her to his birthday party, etc. The crux of the issue, however, is that he's pretending like he has no idea who she is, even though she's obviously all over the news (especially lately)! I've told him I don't think he'll have much luck with this strategy since clearly he knows exactly who she is, but he's sticking with the feigned ignorance. Is that okay?

Richard Cohen is a doddering old man who sits in the Washington Post newsroom atop an overturned paint can, shouting about how the women and the blacks have gotten out of hand. Not to mention that young fella, the Justin, the Bieber. Listen here, son.

RadarOnline is reporting that 90-year-old Viacom founder Sumner Redstone paid Bo Dietl, the private investigator and Fox News contributor, to smear Rupert Murdoch after his beloved New York Post went after Redstone in 2008. Because if you want to smear your rival, your best bet is hiring his own employee.

Considering all the damage that's been done in Afghanistan, to Afghans and to Americans, one dog may not mean all that much in the big scheme of things. But Jesus, a dog. Jesus. He just wants to please somebody.

If you want to know about gay people—their lives, their desires, their ideas, their cultures—listen to gay people. If you want to know about straight people, listen to straight people talking about gay people.

Friday afternoon, a man claiming to have a bomb reportedly tried to hijack a Turkey-bound Pegasus Airlines flight from the Ukraine to Sochi, where the Olympic Opening Ceremony had just started. According to NBC News' Richard Engel, pilots turned off their inflight monitors and flew to Istanbul, where the plane landed safely and is now surrounded by security. The situation is on-going, according to Engel.

Language is our primary weapon in the ceaseless conflict that is modern life. Today we examine two words that are perfectly terrible reflections of our time: wow and platisher.

The Parade of Nations is happening right now at the opening ceremonies of the Sochi Winter Olympics, and boy, is it interesting. This is everyone's chance to see how other countries see themselves (or, in some cases, regret seeing themselves) and, more importantly, to comment on their weird fashion sense.

It took less than ten minutes of the 2014 Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony to witness the latest in a long line of Sochi screwups. The final ring in the sequence failed to open out from a snowflake, giving us this sad abortion of an Olympic symbol. Here's video:

The Opening Ceremony of the Winter Olympics in Sochi just aired. It started by highlighting the host country's achievements, naming Russia's famous artists, authors, and scientists. It was also trippy as hell. Video from the rest of the ceremony is below:

High frequency trading, in which superfast computer algorithims buy and sell stocks in fractions of a second, is little more than a tax on financial markets that goes directly into private pockets. There's more news today about how ridiculous the practice has become.

More important Justin Bieber crime news: Last night, the Miami Police Department released Justin Bieber's booking video from his DUI/drag racing arrest in January. Watch as police search the 19-year-old and make him take off his shoes. Between this and potential felony vandalism charges, it's been a rough 24 hours for Bieber.