Is the buff guy who posted this nude photo on Grindr actually NFL prospect—and likely first openly gay NFL player—Michael Sam?

John McCain, who convinced 59.9 million people and most of the old Confederate States of America to vote for him to be president of the United States, expressed some strong opinions about this country's foreign policy this morning:

Actress Scarlett Johansson pregnant. Pregnant by her fiancé Romain Dauriac. E! and TMZ say she pregnant. Her fiancé a French journalist.

A routine shoplifting arrest at Walmart escalated into a tale of meth charges and "prohibited sexual conduct" between a brother and sister.

Pro tip: When opening your university's new art museum, don't pull an exhibition drawing attention to a famous donor's racist tendencies because it's "not aligned with the celebratory atmosphere." It's not supposed to be a celebration of your being a censoring a-hole.

Oh, Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa). With Michele Bachmann retiring, we're going to have to count on you for incoherent defenses of antiquarian antipathies. Like, how would you explain your disappointment in Arizona for not passing that "Gays Not Served Here" law?

According to reports in Ukrainian media, Russia issued an ultimatum on Monday that all Ukrainian military forces in Crimea must surrender by 5:00 a.m. (10 p.m. EST) or face immediate military intervention. Earlier in the day, reports surfaced that Russia's military issued a similar ultimatum to three Ukrainian warships stationed in the Black Sea. Russia has denied both claims, which a spokesman in Moscow described as "ridiculous."

Tony Panzino was losing his panties, and he wanted to know why.

Last week, the Washington Post published one doctor's remembrance of the emotions associated with treating a morbidly obese patient. The doctor was condemned for purported "fat-shaming." Is your doctor really fat-shaming you?

When his girlfriend's ex-husband showed up in the middle of the night, one man did the only thing that made sense: He grabbed a replica video game sword and challenged the intruder to a duel.

Say, there, sonny. Do you wish you had a militant group you could join at a tender age, with uniforms and pocketknives and the like, but that guaranteed you wouldn't have to rub elbows with some Nancy-boy knock-kneed Jewish kids? Boy howdy, lemme tell ya about "Trail Life USA"!

Shane Smith, the burly head of the VICE empire, is now worth several hundred million dollars, thanks to his company's peerless ability to sell counterculture cool to mainstream corporations. Don't mention that to Shane, though. It's a sensitive topic.

According to the spokesman for Ukraine's defense ministry, four Russian Navy ships have surrounded two Ukrainian warships in Crimea and demanded their surrender. If Ukraine fails to comply by 5:00 a.m., Russia reportedly said the ships will be stormed and seized.

Nearly 78 percent of registered voters named Bubbles are Democrats. At least that's what Clarity Campaign Labs says in its new project. How Democratic Is Your Name? compares first names with partisan affiliation, gun ownership, education level, and religious practices. So now you can finally try to feel superior to all the other guys named Frank.

Roy Sun, 25, was a $70,000-a-year electrical engineer straight out of college. And why not? He'd gone to one of the best engineering schools in the country. He even studied, um, computer security in his free time. Which he had a lot of, since he never went to class.

Attention, everyone who's made fun of Pharrell Williams for wearing an "Arby's hat": Arby's wants you to know it's right there with you. After the singer put his 5-story fedora up on eBay for charity, the company shelled out $44,000 to "get our hat back."

U.S. officials say war is not an option for the U.S. Also, war is totally an option for the U.S., say U.S. officials. More stellar prognostications:

Solomon Northup was kidnapped and sold into slavery over 150 years ago, and the Times was on it. Northup, the subject of the Best Picture-crowned 12 Years a Slave, "excited so high a degree of interest" in his story that in 1853 the New York Times dedicated an entire page to his experiences

At just 10 months old, this baby has already developed a very specific phobia: He's terrified of NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams.

Each year, Warren Buffett—a folksy folk who has built a $60 billion fortune on pure folksiness—writes a letter to shareholders that is prized for its folsky wisdom. This year, he shares some news that even you, the poor average bastard, can use.