Lindsey Graham Mercy Kills His Presidential Campaign
Lindsey Graham, senator from South Carolina, announced this morning that he is “suspending my campaign for President.” It is a suspension the rest of us can safely assume is permanent.
In a video statement, Graham said that he wanted to “thank everyone who has taken this journey with me,” which, according to the most recent poll conducted by Public Policy Polling, was roughly 1 percent of eligible Republican voters. In that same poll, Graham received the highest unfavorables of any GOP candidate, with 50 percent of responders saying they had an “unfavorable opinion” of Graham, with only 22 percent deeming their feelings toward him “favorable.”
Graham was a nonentity for the entirety of the race, never appearing on the main stage of any of the various GOP debates and instead resorting to weird stunts like playing “fuck, marry, kill” on CNN and “using” some app called Sidewire. In the undercard portion of last week’s debate, Graham responded to a question about immigration reform by saying that he would “make adjustments to reality,” an alleged superpower his permanently deflated campaign proved he did not possess.
If you would like to personally deliver your condolences to the senator, Donald Trump read his cell phone number out loud during a speech that one time.
