Israel Threatens Forced Displacement of Native Kitten Population
Citing Jewish law, Israel’s agricultural minister, Uri Ariel, has proposed a solution to what he sees as a population control problem that has begun to encroach on the country’s God-given right to peace and happiness: an overabundance of kittens. The recommended solution? Forcibly displacing the fluffy, offending race from their native land.
According to Ariel, spaying and neutering (the current method of combatting the overpopulation) is in direct violation of Jewish law. Specifically, it violates God’s commandment that all animas “be fruitful and multiply.”
So in an effort to make both sides happy, the minister has recommended taking the budget currently used for the humane, medically approved practice of spaying and neutering and using it to “transfer dogs and cats of a single gender (all the males or females) to a foreign country that is willing to accept them.”
Why would a foreign country possibly agree to accept a sudden influx of kittens into its borders? Well, in prior deportations, when Israel sent “voluntary” (they also had the option to choose prison) asylum-seekers to Rwanda and Uganda, it sweetened the deal for these third-party countries with cheap arms and weapons training. Of course, as +972 notes, the expelled populations were then left to live in the streets in dire conditions.
Then again, there’s always the Gaza Strip.
