Queen Could Care Less About Prince Harry Taliban Threats; Her Corgi is Dead
The Taliban might as well do whatever to Prince Harry now—briefly kidnap him, take nudie pictures with him, elect him vice-president of the organization—who cares. Queen Elizabeth won't even notice he's missing.
Because one of her beloved corgis has died.
The Daily Beast confirms that Monty the Corgi passed away recently at the age of 91 (in dog years; 13 in human years). Though Buckingham Palace is not revealing how or even when the corgi died (12 years ago?), many geniuses, dog-experts, and comforting parents are suggesting he died of old age.
Despite his decrepitude, Monty (named for a horse whisperer, rather than Python) remained a blood thirsty lapdog to the very last; earlier this summer he was one of a number of royal dogs that attacked Princess Beatrice's Norfolk terrier, Max.
That scuffle took place while the dogs were being taken for a walk inside Balmoral Castle in Scotland by the queen's "dog boy," who I would guess is a secret fur-covered prince born twenty-eight years ago, who walks on all fours and has dominion over all of the royal pets and also The Night.
Max was taken to the vet and nearly lost an ear in the incident. The Queen's corgis nearly gained one.
The international public fell in love with Monty back in July when he and another of the royal corgis appeared for a few seconds in a James Bond-themed video that opened London Olympics. For many, the dogs' cameo was the highlight not only of the opening ceremony, but of the entire 2012 Olympic Games.
Worst of all, Monty's death comes fresh on the heels of the death another of the Queen's dogs: a dachshund-corgi mix (or "Dorgi" or "Wiener Dorgi" or "Hot Dog Corgi Dog") named Cider, who passed away earlier this season.
Cider was buried in the royal pet cemetery at Balmoral, where Monty will also requiescat in pace eternal, in accordance with tradition; the royal pet cemetery has been giving young princes and princesses nightmares since 1887, when Queen Victoria's Collie Noble died and was buried there.
Noble was given his own gravestone which reads:
Noble by name by nature noble too
Faithful companion sympathetic true
His remains are interred here.
It is unknown whether Monty will receive a headstone of his own (the Beast speculates that he will), and, if so, if it will commit to rhyming the whole way through or simply give up a couple stanzas in.
It is also unknown whether the Queen did whisper, "It should have been you" when Kate Middleton went in for a comforting hug, or if Kate just imagined that she said that.
