Add this to the list of Wall Street's problems: kids these days don't think banks are "cool" any more, for some reason. (Kids. You know?) The NYT says that even Yale kids are protesting when Morgan Stanley comes to campus to recruit their peers who know how to pick out a decent suit, which is probably... the best thing Yalies have ever done.

Anyhow, investment banks need to hire employees somewhere. What do you want them to do—venture outside of the Ivy League? Fuck's sake. This is simply a tactical problem. With a few tweaks, Wall Street recruiting will be "cool" again in no time, among young pricks!

  • Take advantage of the popularity of Occupy Wall Street by joking, "We don't mean to brag, but we've been Occupying Wall Street for 227 years." No, wait—don't.
  • Instead of always sending old white men on recruiting trips, diversify. Send young Colombian strippers, instead, who are naked, and handing out molly.
  • Wall Street's not cool? That's not what this free Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom-branded ballpoint pen says!
  • Cartoons.
  • Tell kids that banking is a lot like being Skrillex. It kind of is.
  • Explain to these college kids that by working on Wall Street they will make a great deal of money.
  • Maybe comb your fucking hair for once.

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