Sex With Muammar Gaddafi Caused Internal Injuries, Says Aide
According to a chef who used to cook delicious-sounding vegetarian meals for Muammar Gaddafi, the dead dictator of Libya had some pretty intense sexual habits. Sometimes Gaddafi's bedroom performances even forced his partners victims to seek medical treatment, the aide told the Sunday Times.
According to Gaddafi's 29-year-old manservant Faisal, women sometimes had to go "'immediately from [Gaddafi's] bedroom to the hospital' to be treated for internal injuries" after their sexual encounters with the once-chiseled, eventually grizzled Libyan leader. Was it because Gaddafi had a studded Louboutin penis? Was he part cat? No and no, but being kookoo for crazy puffs might have had something to do with it. His dangerous sexing might have also been caused by his addiction to Viagra, which was reportedly "so extensive that his Ukrainian nurse urged to him to reduce the number of pills he swallowed every day." (Is it possible that he just enjoyed the flavor? We've never snacked on Viagra but we've seen pictures of them—they look like tart little blueberry candies.)
Aside from the violent Viagrified sex, Gaddafi also supposedly told an aide to buy him a Parisian penis-lengthening machine (we don't find out if it worked or not), found many of his conquests at the local university, and had sex with his female bodyguards, whom he somewhat sarcastically called the "Nuns of the Revolution." Man, he just sounds like the worst boyfriend and boss ever. Condoleezza Rice, whom Gaddafi considered his "darling black African woman," should be relieved (once again) that she never accepted his offer of tacos, beer, and bowling that one time.
