Olivia Pepper, "Student, NYU," has written a charming little ditty for the Huffington Post entitled "Why I'm Not Working This Summer." It starts with the most ominous opening sentence in the history of oblivious first person essays:

One might imagine that a young adult who blogs for the Huffington Post and attends New York University would end up with a summer job.

Oh no.

I don't blame the extremely competitive job market for my unemployment. There are fatal flaws that I made, ones that I will be correcting next summer when I return to California from school.

OH NO. Is this actually an article, published on a well-trafficked website that people actually read, or did someone accidentally transcribe every conversation I had with my mom when I was 16, begging to borrow the car even though I didn't have any gas money?

My first mistake was aiming too high. It is nearly impossible to land a paid internship the first summer that a student returns from college. I did interview for one, but I didn't have the html-code writing skills that they were looking for.

While applying for the internship, I also made my second mistake of the summer. I waited too long to apply to other employers. The possibility of a paid internship made regular waitressing and retail jobs seem so much less fulfilling. So I waited and waited for my interview and then when I didn't get the internship, I handed my resume and application to the restaurants and shops and took my place in line behind so many other applicants.

I can't really discuss this any further, because I'm having PTSD flashbacks to my own horribly embarrassing, lazy whiner youth.

As one who only recently outgrew that shameful phase of post-adolescence, I feel obligated to offer a helpful tip for our dear Olivia Pepper: Nobody has "html-code writing skills" before they get a job that requires html. We all lied to get our jobs, and now google "html upside down question mark" every time we need a ¿. Seriously, every single time. Why can't I remember that one?

Ahem. Good luck to you, Olivia Pepper. There's always next summer, as long as you can handle every future co-worker you ever have reading this, the most embarrassing thing you ever wrote, and never letting you live it down. In other words, you pretty much have to be a blogger, now. [Huffington Post, photos via NYU Bookstores]