The Way We Live Now: freezing our balls off. And by balls we mean "a metaphor for jobs," because jobs are what give Americans of all genders, thank you, the "cojones" to keep on truckin'. Castrated, economically, by a snowblade!

The official job numbers for January came out, and boy was there a lot of snow in January! Also not many jobs. But to be fair everyone should agree that we don't all now have jobs mostly because it was snowing so damn much outside that who has time to go out creating jobs, other than snow-removal companies and salt companies and trucking companies and hospitals and fire departments and police departments and shovel manufacturers and boot companies and coat companies and snowblower manufacturers and television networks and ski resorts and hot chocolate sellers? It's much healthier for our collective psyche to simply agree that had it not been for all that winter weather, there's no telling how many baskillions of jobs we, the United States of America, would have created.

It potentially could have been a situation in which you would be forced to work multiple jobs just to help fill the overwhelming number of open jobs.

But I guess that's all just speculation now. Old Mother Nature socked us but good, and we all spent January shuffling around our living rooms and watching ads about Visiting The Bahamas and saying to ourselves, "I'll go out creating or seeking a job when it warms up, but not now!" Which is fine. Whatever. This is not the time for strike. It's Super Bowl weekend, when the nation comes together as one. If you guys need me, I'll be at the $42,600 Super Bowl party.

(They won't let you in, but call me Monday!)

[Photo: ilovememphis]