Sandra was in Beverly Hills all week, but nobody got her picture. She should teach seminars to Lindsay Lohan, who got caught partying last night. Alicia Keys is pregnant and engaged. Gary Coleman is in the hospital. TGIFriday gossip.

  • Sandra Bullock has become "the greatest celebrity Houdini. She can escape from any situation—but she does it without being seen." Bullock was reportedly at the Beverly Hills Hotel all week, but nobody got any pictures, no matter how many times they wrapped her in chains and hung her upside down over pits of shark-toothed paparazzi. Sandy is making her first official appearance since Jesse James' sex scandal broke next month, when she accepts the Generation Award at MTV's Movie Awards. She won't do interviews, she'll be shuttled to and fro in top-secret tinted-windows cars, and if anyone tries to ask her about Jesse she'll pull a rabbit out of a hat and vanish. Son Louis Bardo Bullock was in Beverly Hills with mom this week; nobody saw him, either. [Radar, People]
  • Sandy should teach seminars on paparazzi evasion to people like Lindsay Lohan, who celebrated a successful probation check-in by being photographed photographed shopping and parting all over L.A. last night. Staying as little as twenty minutes at one club, LiLo spent most of her night at Las Palmas, "giggling and chain-smoking," "singing along to Britney Spears," and not ingesting alcohol, lest her ankle monitor sniff the booze in her sweat and send her to jail. [TMZ, People]

Meanwhile, fameball photographer Tyler Shields has released posters (right) for Lindsay's Linda Lovelace biopic, Inferno, even though the movie is barely off the ground. [E!, TylerShields]

  • Alicia Keys is engaged and pregnant. Fiance and father-to-be is music producer Swizz Beatz. [Us]
  • Gary Coleman is in critical condition at a Provo, Utah hospital after falling and injuring his head. The news follows the Diff'rent Strokes little person's January and February hospitalizations for seizures. [People]
  • American Idol runner up Crystal Bowersox broke up with her boyfriend mere hours before the show's finale, where the be-dreadlocked Crystal suffered a crushing defeat at the hands of some guy whose name everyone has already forgotten. "He's a small town guy... I'm a small town girl, but I want this. I want this more than anything. This career, this lifestyle. I didn't think he was up for it. He didn't think he was up for it." Hey, that's not bad—she should sell the TV rights to her life while people still care. The painful struggling recording artist phase can wait. [TVWatch]
  • Heidi Klum is done breeding superior babies for Seal. "Obviously I love having a big family, but having four children is quite a big family. We're complete. We have everyone around the table that's supposed to be there." She's launching a maternity clothing line made specifically, it seems, for pregnant supermodels (maternity skinny jeans?) anyway. [E!]
  • The late Simon Monjack, who died Sunday, was buried next to wife Brittany Murphy last night. The couple is outlived by Brittany's mother, Sharon. [People]
  • Kristin Cavallari is going to "write" a tell-all novel. As soon as her contract from The Hills ends, she'll be blabbing about beef curtains to her heart's content. I imagine that, like LC's literary masterpiece, it'll be under the guise of fiction, because those contracts usually have NDA's that extend infinitely, past the end of time and life as we know it, and the slow extinguishing of the sun. [InTouch]
  • Britney Spears got a fresh batch of "100% synthetic horse extensions." Per usual, her hair looks awful, but that's sort of her schtick. [TMZ]
  • After Jesse James accused his father of abusing him as a child, and his sister confirmed it, Jesse James' ex-step-mother (accused abuser Larry James divorced her) took it upon herself to attack back, accusing teenage Jesse of "killing baby rats by injecting them with alcohol. He told me it's what Dr. Mengele would do." That's disgusting, and if Janine James Coan is making it up, then hers is the sickest mind to enter this parade of horror, yet. [Radar]
  • Cindy Adams' stream-of-consciousness New York Post gossip column is on hiatus while she recovers from anemia. Get well soon, Cindy. [P6]

[Image via Pacific Coast News.]