Dad blues! Lying scum! Super olds! Hammerheads! Psychobabble! Birdbrains! It's your long-awaited Science Watch, where we watch science—with eyes jutting out both sides of our toothy voracious skull!

  • More than a quarter of dads report being depressed three to six months after their child is born. See ladies? It's not all about you all the time.
  • Related, a new study says that men lie more than women. Sure, but this was British men, who are already the worst people on the face of the earth.
  • Scientists have discovered the genes that make you live to 100 even if you do all types of unhealthy shit. Who wants to live to be 100, anyhow?
  • Have you ever wondered why hammerhead sharks have such crazy looking heads? I personally wonder about this each and every day, as I take on "the big picture." Well, scientists now say that modern hammerheads evolved from a common ancestor 20 million years ago. Which doesn't really answer the question.
  • Ponder: Psychologists say that silence should be used as a tool—but tools are never silent. Do you get it? Barlett's Fucking Quotation city right there.
  • Oh here's another thing psychologists say: "Today's psychologically healthy adult is neither adult nor healthy." Why are psychologists so annoying?
  • Well well well, turns out that birds prefer regular old birdseed over "organic" birdseed. Put that in your pipes and smoke it, hippie bastards.

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