When a Calvin Klein underwear model's time comes, do they, like, get shipped off to a small Midwest town where they can do crunches in blissful anonymity? No, the tale of the first Calvin Klein underwear model is tragic.

In 1982, gold medal-winning pole vaulter Tom Hintnaus was photographed by Bruce Weber for the first-ever Calvin Klein underwear campaign. His crotch hung, bulging and brilliant white, over Times Square, as if all of New York had been infected with the fever-dream of some University of Minnesota coed dazing over her sociology homework. But today the Times catches up with Hintnaus. Where CK models like Mark Wahlberg and Djimon Hounsou have gone on to be nominated for Oscars, and Kellan Lutz—today's CK guy of the month—stars in Twilight films and slasher flicks, Hintnaus' post-CK years have not been kind. Today, he is a contractor in Honolulu specializing in dock-building. Worst of all, the only thing that's keeping him alive, it seems, is the hope that someday he might be called upon again to strip down and sell men's underwear:

"I'm still in shape," he said. "Maybe they'll bring me back for an old guy campaign."

Except now he looks sorta like Willem Defoe. I'm sure he's a great contractor, though.