Lori broke up with her boyfriend, Corey, and it was quite the story at the Montessori. But this allegory ends a bit whorey, as she got pregnant. That's where the problems begin.

If we had one more week where a girl is emotionally abused by a deadbeat boyfriend, I was going to give up on this show. ..Oh, who am I kidding. I would watch this show if it were just a pregnant teen walking around eating pickles in her pajamas for an hour. NOT IN A CREEPY WAY. So get your mind out of the pedo-gutter, you pervert. This week was finally different.

Lori is a simple Kentucky girl raised in an even simpler Kentucky town, where the only worry is how tall the bluegrass will grow that day. Why this worries someone is confusing, but their priorities are different in Kentucky, so just back off. Lori was actually adopted, since she was born from a teen mom herself, so she is just keeping that tradition alive by being one as well. But she and her ex-boyfriend Corey, who looks like Samwise Gamgee if he were in a Limp Bizkit cover band, want to keep the baby, and that shit ain't flying with Lori's mom. The word "disaster" was thrown around quite a bit last night, and we may have to agree with the mom here. It's hard to get through to a teen who thinks a baby is essentially a fancy pet, and won't completely ruin their chances at going to college and really amounting to anything other than being a good mom (which is important!). You know what would get Lori to give up that baby post haste? Show her some disastrous episodes of Teen Mom, and tell her this is what she will be avoiding.

Easier said than done, though. Emotions play a big part in these decisions, usually outweighing logic completely. Take for instance the ultrasound. That's a pretty big part of anyone's pregnancy; it makes it all very real. But this wasn't any regular sonogram, this was the real-deal Holyfield SONOGRAM IN 3D. Get your glasses out, and strap the fuck in, people.

If she saw that baby in IMAX, there is no way she'd be giving it up for adoption.

So after the ultrasound, Lori wants to keep it, and in working out the logistics of how she will keep it, Corey comes up with the brilliant idea of Lori and her baby moving in with him and his roommate. Something tells me they haven't thought this through. A situation like that for a baby suddenly elucidates why some people grow up to become maladjusted sociopaths.

The push-and-pull continues, however, as mom, still on her "this is a disastuh" tirade, makes a startlingly good point about how unfit Lori is as a mother.

One stipulation: Mothers are allowed to know about Hannah Montana songs, but only if their children are listening to them. Mothers are not allowed to be fans of Hannah Montana.

So in this 9 month struggle, the parents, who have an astonishingly positive relationship with Samwise Gamgee, call him up and get him to tell Lori to give the baby up for adoption. Through a lot of very real tears, she begrudgingly accepts the baby's fate of being placed in a home fit for a baby, and not some Panty-Dropping Palace (I'm sure Samwise calls his apartment that).

Lori then has the baby, and MTV decided to show everyone's faces, which, come on, were absolutely hilarious. Reaction shots of sheer joy, terror, and just generally being grossed out will always be entertaining.

Awesome.

After spending some quality time with her baby, she said goodbye to little Aidan in a formal adoption ceremony. Which is probably sadder than 10 weddings and 10 funerals times a million. And I'm not exaggerating. It was so happy and raw and emotionally crushing.

So Lori goes back to her regular life with Corey, and so concludes MTV's allegory of our tenuous existence on this earth (or something)...for now.