The Amazing Race: Brokeback Chile
This week, the racers were headed to Puerto Varas, China Chile. Carol & Brandy and Joe & Heidi formed an alliance-and pissed everyone off when they cheated the line, ensuring they'd be the only teams on the first bus out.
But oh my gravy! The cowboys, Jet & Cord, found a way around the buses everyone else had tickets on, and their secret detour through Temuco would put them 8 hours ahead. Along for the earlier bus ride were BB11 savants Jeff & Jordan and internet superstar Miss Teen South Carolina , Caite and her boyfriend, Brent (who looks a hell of a lot like the bad guy from Disney's Brink!).
At the Temuco bus station, those crazy cowboys realized that teams Dumb & Dumber were at the wrong terminal for their connecting bus to Puerto Varas, but kept it to themselves. Dumb & Dumber missed their bus, and the second bus, putting the cowboys way ahead of the pack. I think we finally know what's under those hats, some devious brainpower.
On the way to the detour, Jet and Cord ran into one of those dreaded late-night Amazing Race snags and had to wait out the long, cold Chilean evening for the path to open in the morning. But fear not! Cord knew exactly how to survive the night: Some serious bro-time snuggling.
Later on, while trying to figure out what the challenges might be, Cord kept creeping Jet out, by reminiscing about his skinny dipping days.
For the detour, the teams had one of two choices. Llama Adoration: playing dress up with a llama to prepare it for a traditional ceremony, or Condor Consternation: dressing up like a condor and flying off a dock into a buoy to find the next clue. If you were wondering how to pronounce Llama Adoration or Condor Consternation, I'll let our resident teen queen, and, like, such as, show you how it's done.
I'm so proud of her coming back from that 2007 YouTube explosion and letting America know she's not as dumb as she appeared to be when she talked about "the Iraq." Way to show 'em, Caite!
Only three teams chose to fly like a condor, while the rest played with the llamas and locals (I mean, duh-Llamas! Is there even a question about which detour is more awesome?) but instead of soaring-they belly flopped their way to the road block.
At the road block, the teams had to embrace the German population in Chile by collecting ingredients to bake a pastry/pie/custard thing, Kuchen, that looked a lot like flan. The only catch was the milk had to be fresh from the cow, so kneel beneath the udder they did. Some were old pros, some struggled, some coaxed with some pretty suggestive oohs and aahs, and one got kicked in the face. Of all the players to get kicked in the face, why did it have to be super sweet Grandma Jody!? Seriously, every time she's on camera she's just beaming positivity and optimism and talking about how proud she is of her equally adorable granddaughter, Shannon. That cow must have had some residual anger from one of the other less gentle teams.
After dominating this entire leg, it was no surprise Jet & Cord checked in first-plastic hat protectors and all! Those cowboys know how to keep up appearances. And sadly adding insult to injury, Grandma Jody & Shannon were the last ones to arrive and eliminated from the race. I hate that damn cow for ruining their race. If she hadn't dropped the cup when the cow decided to go kung fu on her, there's a good chance they would have made it to the Pit Stop before the directionally challenged detectives, Louie & Michael. Despite their loss, Jody & Shannon bowed out like the graceful and sweet twosome they are. Their gracious exit will make me miss them all the more.