What Your Favorite TV Shows Will Be Like in 3-D
The future is now: Television is going 3-D! According to the LA Times, the Discovery Channel and ESPN are launching 24/7 3-D channels in the near future. But what will today's shows be like in 3-D? We have the answer!
Keep this guide handy: Although only around 1 million of the 115 million TVs currently owned by Americans can handle 3-D, it's only a matter of time before all television expands to the glorious third dimension. (ESPN's 3-D channel launches this year, while the Discovery Channel will be rolling theirs out in 2011, while the NYT reports DirecTV will announce 3-D channels tomorrow.) Here are our predictions for how 3-D television broadcasting will change some of your favorite shows:
- "Gossip Girl": Exactly the same.
- "The View": Exactly the same.
- "The Weather Channel": Exactly the same.
- "Sports": Winter Olympics coverage now 90% luge.
- "CNBC": Busty news anchors now 90% bustier.
- "Letterman": Notecards! Duck!
- "The Tonight Show": Pompadour! Duck!
- "Anderson Cooper 360": Insane intros and transitions even more insane: [Massive "AC360" Logo flies out of the screen followed by red white and blue columns, followed by flock of brilliantly white swans breathing fire.]
- "The O'Reilly Factor": Bill O'Reilly's bulging neck vein given own prime-time show.
- "The Simpsons": "The last time watched 'The Simpsons' it was in only two dimensions."
- "Impaled!" ("Tales of people who were impaled in bizarre and horrifying ways"): Unwatchable.
- "30 Rock:" Still awesome.
- "The Jay Leno Show": Still unwatchable.
- "Jersey Shore": Projectile vomit projects more.
- "Geraldo At Large": Nose projects more.
- "This Old House": Projects project more.
- "Intervention": Inspires sadness that is deep as it is tall and wide.
- Shark Week: Beaches abandoned the world over.
- "Mad Men": Finally exposes Don Draper as actually kind of chunky.
- James Van Der Beek's "World's Most Amazing Things Thrown at Video Cameras": Most-watched show on (3-D) television.
