A-Rod wanted to do it with Madonna and that's why Kate Hudson broke up with him. Jon Gosselin's freaking out his ex-girlfriends by being Jon Gosselin. Elton john and Eminem, together again. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

  • A-Rod got broken up with by Kate Hudson because he still wants to do it with Madonna, or something. She's probably down with it if he stays with the whole Centaur thing. [NYDN]

  • The new model hotspot is Florianopolis. You will never go there so don't even bother looking it up, Uglyperson. I feel unpretty. [Page Six]

  • Guess who Eminem's sponsor is? ELTON JOHN. Bet you didn't see that one coming, even with the whole "Stan" performance and everything. I mean, imagine how these guys get on the phone and chat. [NYDN]

  • Did you know Simon Cowell's quitting American Idol? I didn't, mostly because American Idol sucks. But Vegas oddsmakers are taking bets of who's going to replace him; so far, they have Piers Morgan (Who?), Diddy (PLEASE), Quincy Jones (I could deal with this), Babyface (BABYFACE?!), Simon Fuller (Who?), Rob Stevenson (Who?), or Russell Simmons (Anything to get him out of the house.). Take your pick, place a wage, put one down for the boys. [Page Six]

  • Elin Nordegren spent New Years at a really expensive ski chalet, while Tiger Woods was maybe or maybe not hitting the driving range that is Rachel Uchitel. [NYDN]

  • Danny Bonaduce got a tat with some woman's name on him. Did you ever think you'd see the day celebrities could become famous not for being trainwrecks, but for perpetually occupying a state of oncoming trainwreck? Danny Bonaduce, everyone. [Page Six]

  • Hailey Glassman says Jon Gosselin is trying to "ruin" her life. And not by having consensual sex with her, either, which, she wasn't previously aware, is equivalent to slandering yourself, except it's not slander if it's true, and she definitely had sex with Jon Gosselin. [NYDN]

  • I don't "get" this item. Page Six reprinted a relatively unfunny movie critic's top ten list as an entire item. Jesus. Those guys checked out yesterday morning. [Page Six]

  • J-Lo wore a scary catsuit that if you haven't seen by now you absolutely MUST. [NYDN]

  • Now here's a sighting: "Bob Balaban, Gloria Steinem, Nora Ephron, Nick Pileggi and Christine Lahti dining at Orso." This is like the ultimate game of F/M/B except let's pretend you'd only get to marry one and that you can't pick Christine Lahti. I can tell you this: I definitely would not fuck Bob Balaban. [Page Six]

  • BAAAAW. Ryan Gosling took his mom out for New Year's Eve. Likable! [People]

  • Something about the Catholics, who still kind of run parts of New York. Apparently a former XM Radio manager on the Catholic channel (which is probably just like the Snoop Dogg channel, with less weed smoke) beat out an incumbent for a political position (Westchester County Executive?) in Westchester and he's getting Archbishop Timothy Dolan to come ring in his office. [Page Six]

  • Van Morrison did not, in fact, let it all hang out, Jackie Wilson. There was a rumor that he had another kid, and this was a big deal, because Van the Man's been telling the press to fuck themselves for 30 years strong when it comes to his personal life, and he actually had to dignify some ridiculous internet rumor about him doing the Moondance with a lady and having another baby. It got to the point where friends were calling him telling him to just dispel it. I wish my friends would call me to dispel rumors about my fake baby. Just saying. [NYT]

  • So the NYDN has a gallery of celebrities with their dogs and its utterly amazing but the best one is obviously number 41, because the actor pictured is the shit, and also, it's not at all what you're expecting. Just skip right to it. [NYDN]

Whew! Running a three-day work weekend's going to be fun. Sorry for the late arrival! Coming up today we've got some TSA nonsense and figuring out what to call this new decade. "The Era of Gaga" is not an acceptable answer. Also, now that Soundgarden's reuniting, I feel like I can totally begin my campaign for Gregg Alexander to get the New Radicals back together for a full-on reunion. And I will. It starts like this:

[Image of A-Rod putting "Five On It" via Bauer-Griffin.]