Ted Turner distanced himself from the media business in 2006, when he stepped down as vice-chairman at Time Warner, which previously bought his eponymous broadcasting company. And now envisions a magical world in which he again calls the shots.

In addition to loving to see Time Warner under his control, Turner tells Bloomberg, he would specifically like to have CNN and Cartoon Network brass call him boss. The cause-drawn mogul has become increasingly critical of CNN's "tabloid" attitude and again says that he would like to see the channel, which he founded in 1980, increase its international news coverage. Or, at least, stop featuring so much "fluff." What, like the balloon boy?

As for Cartoon Network: Turner insists kids don't need Superman's silly sense of honor and heroics. No, they need important lessons, like those espoused by the environmentally-friendly Captain Planet, who, by the way, was really very awesome. But we digress.

Turner's never been one to keep things simple, so he also muses about those evil, wasteful newspapers: "You're chopping all these trees down and making paper out of them and trying to deal with all the waste paper. It's the biggest solid waste problem that we have." So, even though likes Murdoch's Wall Street Journal, we're assuming Turner would like to see all news online, which could, some may argue, only increase electrical consumption and a new type of waste.

This is all well and good, but Turner doesn't understand that even if we do cleanse the earth of pollution, war and all that nasty shit, then his preferred networks will have no programming. It's a classic 21st century media mogul's Catch-22.