Pity poor Gwyneth Paltrow. If being the wife of a rock star, a movie star and a writer of death-cult newsletters weren't hard enough, she's also forced to deal with the stupid "roaches" in the media at Manhattan charity galas.

Former Billboard writer and senior editor Chuck Taylor recently attended a charity event where poor Gwyneth was forced at gunpoint into be the guest of honor and wrote about the experience on his blog.

The press gathered on a balcony above the setting for the $375-a-plate dinner as Paltrow entered amid the typical madness and mania that accompanies any celeb standing in front of camera crews. If you've never seen it, you'd almost pity the star (until, of course, you remember that this is a responsibility of their choice to be in the public eye), as photogs shout out, "Gwyneth, look here." "Look to the right." "Smile." "Turn your head." "You look great." "Hey, Gwyneth, turn around." "Look over your shoulder." "Can you smile again?" It's truly bombast like nothing else in the entertainment business, and you wonder how these folks manage to look relaxed and smile ever so sweetly.

Then again, you consider that an actress like Paltrow makes $10 million per picture... and empathy evaporates. Deal with it. For that reason, it was astonishing to hear the disgruntled comments from the press on the elevator, as we were hurried back to the lobby, that Miss Gwyneth was overheard telling her publicist, "I'm done. Get the roaches out of here," referring to those very photographers that deliver her pictures to the wire services, newspapers and weekly celebrity magazines, helping her maintain any semblance of relevance.

Poor Gwyneth. She's like the Harriet Tubman of modern celebrities, just out there doing everything she can to liberate the masses with colon-cleanses, butt-toning exercises and tasty chicken-roasting recipes. So why do you media "roaches" insist on strapping Her Goopiness to a muddy stump and lashing her with your stinging whips, because that's exactly what you're doing every time you take Gwyneth's picture at a charity event, okay! Leave Gwyneth alone!