The Way We Live Now: Disneyfied! You can buy into Disney's simulacrum of an American community right now—cheap! It's the only place left without wild dogs roaming the trash-filled deserted main streets.

Disney built Celebration, FL as America's creepiest community: as bland and perfect an imitation of a neighborhood as Disney World itself is of a theme park. Now any jerk can move up in there, including yourself! Houses are available for under $300K. Bring your meth lab and you could have it all paid off in a few months.

Where else would you live? In Gary, Indiana, trash is piling up in the streets. In DC, the most famous hotel in city history is up for auction. In Manhattan, the fanciest parts of Fifth Avenue have extra-stratospheric storefront vacancy rates, and restaurants are going out of business faster than you can say "I never ate in the Rainbow Room and I didn't miss a god damn thing."

So go ahead: move to Celebration, FL, and really fuck it up.