The Way We Live Now: Like champions. In tough times, it's all about priorities. And that priority is winning the Game of Life. Or—failing that—the Game of Golf.

Everyone knows that Bethpage Black on Long Island is one of America's most famous golf courses—home of the US Open, formidable foe to duffers everywhere! I'm just kidding. Everyone doesn't know that. I hate golf, personally. But I read, in the paper, that some enterprising guys are monopolizing all the tee times at Bethpage Black and selling them off for $850 each, which makes some people mad, but my attitude is: If you're a whiny person dressed in gold apparel, why would anyone listen to you?

So we see that golf is actually pumping a little energy into our limp economy. Can the same be said for basketball, sport of kings? Yes! Perversely. Los Angeles, which is just so broke we can't even tell you how broke it is, is now prepared to pay a million bucks to hold a parade for the NBA Champion Lakers, even as they do not have a million bucks. They are broke, as is the state of California! You know who's not broke? Kobe Bryant. But is Kobe Bryant paying for this parade? No, you, the LA taxpayer, is paying for this parade.

That's because rich people are smarter than you and me. They don't pay for anything! It's one good way to get rich. Of course, it works much better if nobody knows that you're rich. Or if you can convince yourself that you're not!

The poorgeoisie are the countercultural rich who have adopted a form of consumerism against consumerism, a way of spending to make themselves look as though they haven't spent. It's a new way for rich people who don't want to seem rich to buy their way out of the guilt and shame of having money at a time of mass economic woe.

Yes, you can actually buy your way out of the guilt of being rich! America is indeed a wonderful nation. Would you like to join the Poorgeoisie yourself, but don't have the cash? The easiest way to wealth now: coining new words to describe socioeconomic conditions. "Poorgeoisie," for example. Or "Staycation," or "Recessionomics," "Funemployment." You can write a quickie book and make a nice little pile! Championomics!